Readers, welcome to the 2023 ‘Year in Review’ where the Observer staff will guide you though what happened in Hathian in 2023 that made the papers. We understand that not all your shenanigans and misdeeds appear in our august pages, but let’s face it, if you don’t have a media profile these days, you’re clearly a Boomer or worse.

In 2023, over 210 (two-hundred-and-freaking-ten) serious news articles were served to you, alongside all the usual advertisements, ads for ‘personal services’ and more. The Observer management would like to thank all our contributors for 2023 including Joanne, Zofia, Cadence, Buffy, Valena, Tugboat, Why, Evul, Carly, Rhys, Angii – and also not forgetting John Childermass our star (and now Mr.Hathian) photographer who has helped many of you out with photos of your events and more.

So without further ado, let’s go month by month with our top three stories as selected by our Editor, Daiyu Tang. All images are hyperlinks to our original content if you want to read the full article.

January 2023

January was a month when due to IT issues that Nadir Inc. had to fix, the Observer newspaper struggled. We managed to get one article out in the entire month and had to rely on other methods to get Hathian news. Never-the-less the article was a doozy.

Number 1 – When Macen Alleged That Cpl. Landon Fyre Had Beaten Her

While Macen’s account was subject of much debate and later HPD strong denied it had occurred, it never-the-less was a bleak tone to the start of 2023, questioning whether women (and men?) were safe around Hathian Police officers and how and to what extent they had impunity. While some gaps emerged in the accusations, conclusive proof remained elusive.

February 2023

February we only got our IT systems restored partially (and this was a theme though the year) although as the months ticked on, more and more was able to be published.

Number 1 – When A Respected HGH Doctor Was Found Carrying A Severed Head

Amelia, the doctor pictured was able to prove to the Observer that she had been tortured, extensively before eventually escaping and killing her captor. From originally believing we had a crazed medic on the loose, to eventually understanding through our interview the trauma she had been through, her story moved the hearts of Hathian.

Number 2 – Rader Records Provides Prisoners

Where would Hathian be without the Rejects? (Hint: Better and lower down the murder and crime tables). HPD attempted to arrest individuals associated with firebombing the Observer itself.

March 2023

March, the Observer really got the technical act mostly back together only in the last half of the month with repeated visits from Nadir Inc. Never-the-less, we got fourteen articles out thanks to many of our reporters.

Number 1 – Protesting HPD Violence Leads To… VIOLENCE.

No shit Hathian, there have been well documented cases of police brutality and protesting against them seemed a good idea. Yet with protestors themselves resorting to violence a happy ending this was not. With multiple injuries, arrests and the deployment of water cannon and more, it was one of the larger Hathian riots.

Number 2 – Cosplay Orgies, Doing It Like The Romans Do It

A secret photographer attended a party at the notorious fetish club Spankys (recently relaunched) and photographed a large number of students partying in their togas (or less) as they celebrated. With whippings and more, this activity was a slice of normal college life for many of the students who throughout the year have continued to show grit, determination and spunk in their pursuit of ‘academic’ excellence. (Plenty of spunk).

Number 3 – Emily Rose Goes Missing In A Sinister Start To Yuugen’s Hunger Games

The ‘Hathian Hunger Games’ turned out to be one of the most awfully brilliant pieces of domestic terror that the Yuugen operated in 2023. Emily’s disappearance was the start of this terror as people started disappearing around Hathian to later turn up (see April’s stories) in the Yuugen’s twisted games.

April 2023

The Observer sprung back into life in April, with 24 articles in the month. This was despite the Observer’s Editor being kidnapped by the Yuugen into their ‘Hunger Games’. It was also a busy month for city life, with ads for housing, events and many more bringing Hathian to life.

Number 1 – Hathian Hunger Games Part 1

Terrifying, disturbing and broadcast live to Hathian, the unwilling participants of the Hathian Hunger Games were tortured as the Yuugen attempted to break the bonds of humanity and understanding between each of them. With the eventual winner, ‘Joshua Kaufman’ disappearing after his ‘victory’ some would say the Yuugen proved their point, turning a former law enforcement officer to the dark side and perhaps death. Yet some bonds stayed and Em Bundy and others retained some of their humanity to fight back against Tori’s wickedness.

Number 2 – People Fight For Any Reason

Over at Columtreal and later around Hathian, a masked vigilante (later identified as CU Clinic Director Zofia Lewandowska) protested against meet eating, including taking a few extreme measures. Having previously taught about veganism at CU it was no surprise that the sometimes cracked Director would take more extreme measures.

Number 3 – Where Hathian Youth Have A New Home

The newly redeveloped Seaside opened and the event was well attended by patrons such as Vanora as well as children from across Hathian. Manager Eliza Evans was keen to stress the need for staff and use of the facilities which had everything disadvantaged youth could need in Hathian.

May 2023

The Observer finally caught up and wrote the second part of the Hunger Games, but besides from Tori’s antics there was a lot going on. A mysterious carnival in the swamps, issues with HPD (no really again?) and sadly deaths (or at least potential deaths that led to drama).

Number 1 – The Grand Tradition of Hathian Halloween Events Continues

The PFE event, was heavily advertised in Hathian with posters coming up all over town. In the end the mysterious showmen were content to be in the background, but what a background it was. Anyone who visited couldn’t help but be in awe of the decoration, atmosphere and probably left (did everyone leave?) with a real sense of terror and value for money. With Hathian having had amazing events each year, one can only look forward to 2024 and the creativity of those who dwell here.

Number 2 – Service For A Fallen K-9 And Officer

Our editor attended an event where the HPD bid farewell to two officers in a moving ceremony. Landon and Lizette in full dress uniform provided a rifle salute as Vanora read our the eulogies. While the ceremony was disturbed by a rather disturbed (and smelly) woman, the poignant readings and memories from the assembled officers showed that Hathian remembers (and in some cases mourns).

Number 3 – When is a Funeral not a Funeral – When Someone Wants To Leave the Rejects

While later proven to be a fake funeral, the elaborate setup by Rhys’ family partially convinced our editor who ran tributes from family and friends. Noting that at the time (and apologies Rhys now – you’re a good employee) she wasn’t his greatest fan, it brought home that death could come not just to Officers, but also the hardcore gang members. Or at least it might.

Honourable mention to Part 2 of the Hathian Hunger Games as well.

June 2023

June had a range of profiles for various individuals in Hathian and also reported lots of low level crime incidents. We also covered a range of business openings, but sadly as often the case in Hathian many then closed. Cupid’s Arrow, Euphoria, the Casino, and others all opened and shut. We note with pride though that some such as Rag Dollar continue, although this might show that a cheap food store is probably a safer bet than a large expensive club in a town like Hathian.

Number 1 – Landon Fyre Takes on Zeek and his ‘Team Pride’

Fyre, a controversial character in Hathian, and until later in the year so called ‘Mr Hathian’ challenged that he could best Zeek and two others in the ring at the same time. While the event later degenerated into a mass brawl (see July’s reporting) it was a statement of intent from the big man, perhaps not later matched against fair compliance with the rules according to witnesses. Never-the-less, the chance to potentially beat up Fyre is often too good a chance to pass for many in Hathian, so despite potentially stacked odds, there were plenty of takers and viewers.

Number 2 – Carly Cox Gets A Regular Column

Our new guest columnist (and eventual regular columnist) started with us as she continued, telling people to have sex and plenty of it. With a streak for capitalism, copulation and cum, Carly has provided the smut that people always claimed the Observer had, but now truly does. Now as Dean of Columtreal University, Carly will continue to use her position to take advantage and promote her manta (or should that be tantra?)

Number 3 – Captain Heckles Sends His Squad In

Captain Julian Heckler was featured in the Observer after ham-fisted officers under his command beat on the Observer editor for simply asking to speak with him. While he attempted to smooth it out in his office, the fact of the matter was that rumours of an alliance between HPD and the Rejects was in full swing and there were constant suggestions that cocaine was a big business within the walls of Heckler’s Office. Having not yet found concrete evidence of either, the Observer is on a watching (and watched) brief with Heckler.

July 2023

July was a record month for the Observer with 36 articles published. These covered everything… businesses, events, crime, investigations, more of Carly’s sex advice… you name it reader, you probably read it. Picking three highlights was very hard but in the end, we’ve focused (rightly so I believe) on the disastrous events that culminated in the destruction of the Hathian General Hospital by Yuugen domestic terrorists.

Number 1 – HGH Is Destroyed After Days of Siege

Our sense of collective trauma. Our sense of loss. Our sense of anger and hate against the Yuugen terrorists, at least one of whom would subsequently be killed by HPD. Our first live reporting with John, I and others working tirelessly to cover this awful event. What more can be said? This was an age defining event for our town…

Number 2 – When The Healer Is Damaged

Dr. Simon LeMarchand featured in our article querying why he had attacked someone at the pier. With a lot of backstory to unpick and the involvement of that trouble on two legs, Tabitha Hopper, we investigated and found a link to the King Street Bones, one Camden Fabers as ‘The Man With Flowers’. Poor Simon had been abused and tortured, although he had then taken matters into his own hands, or perhaps the hands of someone else wearing him; his mental state was never clear, although in December 2023 he appears to our editor to be quite stable (and generous with fine words and deeds).

Number 3 – HPD Literally Take The Piss

Thankfully Officer Valéz has not been seen for a while, but for a time HPD was on a mission via her mouth to cause as much trouble as possible. Whether that was stating that anyone not a cop was a criminal, or whether it was literally peeing on a Reject armband in the Observer’s offices, it was clear that Valéz had either a screw loose, or the HPD Media Office had really gone to shit (Thank God that wasn’t literal). With a new Media Officer, Atsuko now in place it appears clear in retrospect that Valéz, who had at one point assaulted our star photographer John, was cracked.

As well as the above, July was so busy that honourable mentions go to the work done by Landon Fyre to investigate the killing of Maxim Pink’s Son, the range of entrants to the Mr and Miss Hathian contest. This was alongside heart-breaking stories from the HGH disaster as well as better news of rebuilding. Stories included the search by a mother for his missing daughter (later confirmed murdered in the hospital attack), an interview with an HGH hostage and coverage of fund raising and events. Finally the outcome of Landon Fyre’s cage fight was revealed (Hint: It was a total mess).

August 2023

The Observer continued to write extensive articles into the summer break, although in Hathian bad weather started to be a significant disruption into the later parts of the month. Columtreal featured heavily in August as the University not only reported growing sporting activities but also some crimes on campus. Finally Carly continued with her sex advice articles, getting to the stage that while our managing editor Stanley was salivating, our day-to-day editor had to start censoring Carly. Considering that at Carly’s own wedding in December an explicit picture of her and Rhys was broadcast to the congregation, our editor perhaps got her own back, or it was just a coincidence.

Number 1 – Hurricane Season Created Problems

As storm warnings were given the Observer reviewed the list of past storm or other extreme weather events which from 2009 had included Tornados, Hurricanes, Fires, Floods, droughts, strange fogs and groundwater poisoning. Considering all of that it wasn’t a surprise that residents rushed to get sandbags and other items with generators a particular hot commodity. As usual some in the town exploited the chaos but some like the Lions Family looked to provide help where it was required. Thank you to those that go the extra mile.

Number 2 – The Winners Of The Mr And Miss Hathian 2023 Contest Were Crowned

The Hathian Museum and Galleries hosted Mr and Miss Hathian 2023 and under the watchful gaze of former Mr.Hathian Landon Fyre, the baton was passed over by our editor to John Childermass for Mr. Hathian. This was a free vote across many worthy entrants (see July links above) and although we are sure of the veracity of the male winner, it had to be said that Landon ‘appointed’ the female winner. Lizette Calhern Doge, as she was known then featured throughout 2023 in Twitter as she argued with Rocco Doge about marriage, kids and sex. Never-the-less, her reported activities on the police, saving lives and going into danger were at least some valid reasons for her to win. In 2024 we hope to be able to host a free vote on both male and female!

Number 3 – Beach Volleyball Comes To Hathian

Maya Flores and team members kicked off their volleyball resurgence by joining in a tournament on the beach. Skimpy costumes, hard spikes and eventually a series that was derailed by the weather were lapped up by Hathian readers, keen to focus on the game (and the girls sadly). Rachel Wesson, picture above right getting involved in fights on court only served to cement her and the teams status as Columtreal great.

September 2023

September 2023 focused on the storm that battered our shores, eventually leading to a fireball in the sky and on Batterie Beach. It wasn’t all explosions though, Dr. Alice Crow found the floodwaters exposed her corpse collection, illegally held in the Back Waters clinic.

Number 1 – Alligators Chomp on Hathian

It was bad enough the storm brought destruction to the town, it also seemed to unleash beasts from the swamps that were seen wandering about all over the parish. One of them, pictured in our article above got a hold on both CUPD officers and CU Clinic staff and nommed a bit.

Number 2 – Crazy Doctor In Need of Good Home

Poor Alice Crow, our Editor has a soft spot for her now, but at the time she was seen in CU with a selection of corpses allowing students to prod and poke them and she was known to rent out her basement in the clinic to nefarious sorts and types… After confronting our editor with a head in a box, she later got into scrapes with law enforcement in her trailer (more dead bodies) and in general. If you see her, help her out, the road to redemption is long and full of stumbles.

Number 3 – Snakes On A Plane

At the end of the stormy weather, a plane carrying a variety of goods crashed into Hathian leading to much fun as parcel collection began. Whether the couriers got anything back is debatable and what became of the bodies? Who knows… maybe the Gators. Concluding the hurricane season with a bang this was certainly unexpected for residents in the city.

Special shout out to Atsuko from HPD who was pictured rowing through flood waters. Sadly for Atsuko, this wouldn’t be her only press appearance in the latter parts of the year.

October 2023

October was a little quieter than the frantic pace of storm season. Our reporters Viv and Zofia were hard at work capturing a range of stories from Gang revenge to new businesses. We picked out the following that we thought would interest you:

Number 1 – HGH Rebuilt, Tori ‘Explains’ and Simon Becomes HGH Administrator

We visited the new HGH and spoke with Simon, the newly appointed chief doctor. He told us about his staff and plans for the future and seemed much the balanced individual compared to July (see above!). In addition our Editor visited Tori in jail and while she didn’t leave with an apology she felt that her words at least were important for Hathian to hear. One family though, who had lost their daughter though received their worst fears being confirmed.

Number 2 – The Rejects Demonstrate Their Desire To Dominate Donuts

The Rejects were back in the news with Viv our Reporter reporting on how the Rejects had extorted and threatened the Donut Shop for protection money. As part of a wider look across the city Viv had ideas about whether compliance should occur, or whether businesses should stand up. We know that for Noah, standing up came at a cost.

Number 3 – Columtreal Job Fair And Campus Reinvigoration

CU has been going from strength to strength recently, with space in classrooms not meeting student numbers. The new Dean Carly Cox (Pentewyn now!) has continued to focus on expansion, with our understanding that perhaps a new boxing league would be opened. Those with a desire to learn (or fight) should register at CU for classes as the range of learning is unparallel in the Hathian parish.

Special mention to the investigation into Dark Web and the predator ‘Jimmy’ that looked like it might ensnare many in CU. However the trail, despite investigation by Landon and Daiyu went cold… for now…

November 2023

November went crazy at the Observer with nearly 30 articles (1 a day!) landing with you, our loyal readers. It was hard to pick our the best, but hopefully you like the ones below. If not, let us know which you most enjoyed!

Number 1 – Tori Went Back To Basics As She Burned ‘Mu’ For His Funeral

Dust to Dust, Ashes to Ashes and Mu to Murderer as the feared terrorist, accused rapist and worse was laid to ‘rest’ by Tori and her groupies. Sent like a Viking into the bay, a body (assumed to be Mu’s) was cremated. Mu, remembered here in an obituary was a dangerous figure and Hathian is likely the safer for it. Whether Tori or the Yheng’s can move on from this, who knows, but knowing the cycle of violence in Hathian they probably already have…

Number 2 – Prohibition Bar Was Bombed As Part Of A Long Running Fued

Those ‘fun and lovable’ people from the Pawn Shop invaded Z’s bar and took unasked for photos. Later the place exploded injuring people Z cared about, but not causing significant lasting damage. With Z plotting revenge, including being unhappy at the Observer’s own coverage, we are sure that her, the Koga and the others groups rumoured to be working with Z will meet again and battle…

Number 3 – The Devil Had His Night In Laveau (And It Was Scary!)

Our Reporter Viv and our Photographer John experience a devilishly scary Halloween where they witnessed a potential sacrifice after being part of a twisted event in the tunnels near Laveau prison. John, taking matters into his brave hands attempted to prevent what they were seeing in the clearing, but injured the reporters were forced to retreat, leaving a cult able to do their evil in the dark…

There are a huge amount of special mentions for November… Maybe it was the resurgence of the Hoppers who came back after a hiatus with a message to Hathian. Or perhaps following the skimpily clothed adventures of Rachel Wesson and Sam Smith as they went paranormal hunting tickeled your fancy?

If it wasn’t the girls, you could also read about Law Enforcement in Laveau who as we know as desperately in need of new staff… Or maybe this is also true for HPD as it was in November that the torture of Atsuko (who had bravely helped during the floods) became apparent, with her being recovered near death and nude from the Hathian graveyard.

We also got to meet some characters… Like Céleste who we will read more about in December… and her Mourning Wood Funeral Home… There was also a promise by a clown calling himself ‘Bob’ that the Circus would return, we will see if it does…

December 2023

Well readers, December is almost over, but that hasn’t meant it’s been a slow month for news… There’s lots to cover, although hopefully it is still mostly fresh in your memory! There may be a few more articles to come prior to the office shutting, but now at the 20th here are our favourites:

Number 1 – Do You Believe In The Tooth Fairy?

Zeek, Zeek, Zeek… him and Céleste fighting. First it was a robbery, then it was a drive-over, then it was a hanging and then it was a coffin and THEN it was Céleste in HGH in a coma, with a plate in her skull. Wow. The cycle of violence starkly shown.

Whether it was their fighting or the memes of Zeek that appeared later, this is one story that Hathian will want to follow until they inevitably marry.

Number 2 – The Hoppers Host Christmas

The Hoppers made the news again when they hosted a large party in the Hathian Underground Car Park. Featuring a range of scary activities our reporter Zofia managed to survive, even if ‘George’ a deer did not (or at least without brain injury). The Hoppers party shows that they mean business in town, although perhaps their business is less ‘mean’ than it used to be…

Number 3 – A Man Wings It And A Woman Agrees

Crazy news on campus where Rhys Pentewyn asked our Editor to setup a marriage proposal to Carly Cox, Dean of the University with about 24hrs notice. Despite the best efforts of CUPD and in front of a huge audience of students, Dean Cox and Rhys tied the knot officially. Congratulations to them!

It’s also worth calling out the offer from a local ‘eccentric’ called Nair, to take questions from Hathian Citizens about the Future. Those interested should read this article…

And That’s A Wrap

And with that, we leave you to your Christmas and Holiday Cheer. While we may have one more surprise for you before we sign-off (and it’s green and black and has balls) we wish you safety and love over this period. Normal Observer publication service will resume in early January, so keep those stories you make over the next few weeks in your heads and hearts for us until we get back, although over the next week or two you may still see reporters around, so feel free to give them a story to draft up for the New Year.

Happy Holidays Hathian