This event notification is paid for / sponsored by Landon Fyre. The Observer provides some context at the end of the article. For submissions for the contest you should e-mail the Observer ((Notecard)) with the subject line “nomination” and attach a photo of your nominee or request a free photo shoot for your nominated citizen. The Observer will reach out to schedule the photos if needed.
The 2023 Contest As Told By Sponsor Landon Fyre
Lt. Fyre: “A year ago I was awarded the title of Mister Hathian, by the people of this town. Upon that day, I said every man has a right to prove himself and could challenge me for the title. A year has since passed and not a single man has stepped forwards.”
“More recently I’ve been asked about worthy contenders for the title of Miss Hathian too. Frankly there isn’t a woman in town who fits my criteria for a Miss Hathian as there’s something wrong with all of you. But don’t despair, the people are trusting in my judgment, and I shall deliver you a new Mister and Miss Hathian, for 2023.”
“In the past we’ve witnessed antiquated charades of women parading about the Hathian theatre in their underwear. I’m putting an end to these perverse pageants, no self respecting Southern lady should have to stand naked before an audience for their approval. Henceforth, all women and men of Hathian shall be eligible for the title. With or without their clothes on.”
“This year the titles will not be decided by beauty pageants or raw physical prowess, virility and heroism. This year, the citizens of Hathian may nominate their Miss or Mister Hathian, based upon their service to the community.”
“Have you seen a young woman assisting an elderly citizen across the road? Then nominate her as your Miss Hathian. Have you seen a young man picking litter on the beach? Then nominate him. Let virtue decide the worthiest among you.”
Lt. Fyre
Lt.Fyre Continues: “To offer you mortal men some hope, I will not be in the running for this year. It allows you all a fair chance at experiencing the glory of being called Mister Hathian.”
“An individual may nominate themselves with a statement of their service to the community, or they may nominate another. For the sake of transparency, all nominations will be sent to the Hathian Observer. Some may be published in a future article so those wishing to keep their nominations private must specify it. Nominations will cease in August and all the statements will be given a fair review. Then I shall announce the new Miss and Mister Hathian.”
“Last year, I confronted the ugly spectre of institutional racism in Hathian, and restored the title of Miss Hathian upon Miss Banu. There were those in the Hathian Theatre whom sought to deny her, read the tweets from David Pink and his panel to see how low their committee had fallen. Presently I hold the titles of Mister Hathian, and Miss Hathian. When Miss Banu took leave to visit her family, she entrusted me to do the right thing. Infact, I’m the first man in history to hold both titles consecutively, for the month of July, you may call me Mister Hathian, or Miss Hathian. Come August, I will read the people’s nominations and decide whom among them is worthiest to receive these prestigious titles.”
(Ed – I’m sure I saw somewhere that Landon was accussed of writing David’s tweets for a while…)
The Observer Adds
This newspaper has been asked to present information about the Mr & Miss Hathian competition for 2023 which we have done above. Some of you will remember Miss Asia Banu winning the title in 2022 and in 2021 it was the turn of Sam Warrhol-Kelly There have been other competitions stretching back into the past of Hathian.
More controversially you may remember that a certain police officer (and now sponsor) claimed to be the overall winner. So this year, we are pleased to announce that the competition will be run in a slightly different way having negotiated with the same officer, hopefully avoiding future issues.
In short, in order to participate Hathian Citizens must nominate their peers for work they’ve done to the community. These people should be the great and the good of Hathian who have made a tangible positive difference to others. You should write in ((NC)) to the Observer with your nomination, explaining why your chosen person should win the title. These nominations will be published, along with a photo of the individual as part of an ongoing ‘Citizens’ series to recognise those who make a difference. A free photoshoot is available for anyone nominated if they don’t have any promo shots themselves.
We have been advised that in order to encourage participation from the less community minded individuals that HPD may reduce tariffs (jail time) for those able to make a nomination which Fyre sees as a form of community service. How effectively this is embedded across the actions of all officers is open to challenge and debate.
For the avoidance of doubt the Observer explicitly commits that this event is open to ALL Hathian Citizens, however they identify and whatever their race and orientation. We cannot comment on the judging process yet, but all nominations received will be dealt with fairly in our office.
((Reach out to Landon Fyre for details and submit NC nominations to Daiyu. Main image credit to Louis Seafair))
Do you know a Yuugen member clearing up the streets? Nominate now.
