A New Beginning At The University of Columtreal

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by Zofia Lewandowska

A Day at Columtreal University Rush Week

I’m sure you’re familiar with Columtreal Univeristy. It’s a place full of opportunity and sexy students and professors, a place that’s close to Hathian. It’s a place where knowledge combines with mystery and hot parties and love dramas for the students and all the people who live there.

I’ve lived on campus for a while now and I know the people around here, we’re like family. Sometimes naughty, but who’s perfect? No one is perfect, and everyone is! But everyone needs money, and to get it you have to have a job, or at least that’s what most of our parents taught us.

Lock and Load shooting range and the Rockstar store all ready for rush week

And that is where CU Jobs Fair begins …

I walked into the center of campus and saw many faces around me that were interested in working on campus. Some familiar faces, some unfamiliar, but all of them were curious about a new job and earnings or maybe a job offer. My first steps led to Buffy, my friend and cheer-leading captain and the nurse who works for me in the clinic. I noticed right away that she was working a lot and helping the staff set up the place and answer any questions, so I sat her down and started asking questions as well.

cheer-leading captain answering questions

Zofia: “Hello Buffy. How are you? I heard about the jobs fair. I would love to write something about job opportunities to Observer… if you dont mind?”
Buffy: “Sure, do you want to interview me? I’ve got thirty minutes ’til the tour starts.”

Zofia: “I would love to interview you and others as well. Thirty minutes, fine. I will be fast, I see you are busy and you work hard. We all know you as one of the most important and prettiest girls in Columtreal. Why the Job Fair, and do you enjoy working on it?”

Buffy: “Good question. As head cheerleader it’s my job to promote campus to all the other parishes. I work as hard to promote the school as I do cheering! The job fair is about giving opportunities to students, existing faculty and those in the districts CU serves. You can be anything from a barista or bartender, to serving bubble tea or French cuisine, to campus police officer, to a tenured professor or lecturer. Like the opportunities are there, so people should grab them. Its also statistically proven theres 60 percent less chance of being robbed at work than in Hathian!”

Zofia: “That sounds amazing Buffy, you really love your job and I agree. I never had any problems with being robbed in campus! What is your favorite place in the university area you would advise to visit to our readers? And is it true that Columtreal is more safe than Hathian because of security cameras and security staff and local police department called CUPD?”

Buffy: “I love to work at Get Woke, the campus bistro as around breakfasts and lunches its super busy and because like, the social hub of the place. I also as student nurse work at the campus clinic which can be stressful and crazy, but I’ve learned so much especially during the hurricane when we had people all over needing help.”

“CUPD’s brave officers do everything to keep us safe AND they’re down to have some fun too…..I even caught officer Bobby Ray Lee having a dance off with an inflatable looter….hang on I got a pic of it….”

“It’s also just a nicer, cleaner area to live, work and play in”

Officer Bobby Ray Lee having a dance

Zofia: “Oh my god. Officer Bobby, he has a lot of secret talents I see! And you are fully right with the clinic, sometimes its crazy there. Also everybody loves woke up, because of your coffee and vegetarian sandwiches! Buffy, what advice would you give to guys and girls who want dating to find sexy time on campus, indeed after the school. What is the hottest job for guys and for girls?”

Buffy: “Oh, for dating they should probably work at Bleu Wag, its the romantic French restaurant with this open-air European vibe….who wouldn’t fall in love there? Or they should work at Murphy’s Irish pub because you can pull guys, or girls at the equal opportunities bar – the owner Misty-Sue is down for anything!”

Bleu Wag, a restaurant recommended by Buffy for dating

Zofia: “I love Murphy’s and I was there few times on karaoke, it was a fun! Bleu Wag, I must visit the place soon. Thank you Buffy, my last question. Some our readers might heard something about fraternity and sisterhood and strange groups playing Harry Potter LARP. Can you tell us something about them? Did you hear any gossips?”

Buffy: “I don’t know what you mean about Harry Potter, but there have been rumors of witchcraft on campus. We even have our own spooky store, Witch Way Alley, but any Louisiana native knows there’s more to witchcraft and voodoo than Harry Potter. It’s the spookiest state outside of Salem. But Columtreal has an amazing greek social life where the Beta Iota Chi sorority throw a ton of campus events. Everyone should come to the Barbie and Ken party this Friday!”

After the interview and the conclusion

Buffy was very friendly and helpful, I just felt like she dodged my last question about the brotherhood and sisterhood and the witch LARP group. Why? I have no idea, but maybe it could be one of the campus secrets? Something dark and hidden that we’re not supposed to know about? Is there politics and power behind it? We don’t know yet, but we’re here for you to find out!

And that’s the end of the reportage, thank you for taking the time to read it. Below you will find photos of some of the interesting places that offer jobs on campus.

Get Woke, a great place to start any day
Columtreal museum
The spooky shop
Keyate’s Grinder’s cafe and cannabis store
Misty-Sue and her Murphy’s Irish pub, another good date spot
Columtreal university clinic

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