Readers, it gives the Observer great pleasure to commend to you the winners of the Mr & Miss Hathian 2023 competition who can be seen in our title image. Read on to see how this came about…
Our glittering awards party hosted at the Hathian Museum & Galleries saw the great and good (you all get that title today readers) attend to see the winners announced, sample the free drinks and probably sample each other a bit. The Observer is all for mixing things up a bit and it was lovely to see so many of you not beating on each other, especially as a few of you (shoutout to Charlie Bundy in his wheelchair) looked a little worse for wear already!
The competition event had been heavily advertised across Hathian social media and other channels and on the day over 40 Hathian residents turned up to party.
If you want a reminder of who was in the running for the award, please see our little gallery below and if you have a view on who should have won, but didn’t, please do write into the Observer and we’ll feature the best of your comments.
And also Liz, who was a late entrant!
Our Winner Miss Hathian 2023
Landon Fyre took the lead in determining the approach for Miss Hathian 2023
Fyre: “To begin, I’d like to thank Daiyu and the Observer team for organizing this prestigious event.
On the fifteenth of July, this city witnessed it’s most devastating terrorist attack in our history. The perpetrators sought to drive a wedge into our community and destroy us from within. But the people of Hathian did not surrender to terrorism, this community came together and rebuilt our city from the ashes.
Today we celebrate the courage of our citizens, only a handful of whom are represented here today, but we commend you all for your service to the community.
Starting with the nominees for Miss Hathian, this year a great many women are worthy of the title. To name but a few…
Annika, who has been busy since the disaster, raising funds for the victims of terrorism.
Eliza, for supporting the city’s most vulnerable and disadvantaged youths at the Seaside School.
Daiyu, for her commitment to investigative journalism and delivering reports at grave peril to herself. She may have excused herself from the running, but whether I’m finding her in a butcher’s freezer, hanging from a bridge and any number of dire circumstances she’s endured, Daiyu keeps on reporting.“
The crowd was pretty worked up at this time and there for sure chants (and not just Carly saying ‘fuck the competition’, everyone had their supporters. Whether it was for Lucy Crow, DJ Poppy herself, Annika or even others who hadn’t made the nomination!
Fyre: “Before announcing Miss Hathian 2023, I want to tell you all a story. A year ago, in all his wisdom, the Mayor of Hathian had taken the brazen step of Defunding the Police. The resulting anarchy on the streets was not a surprise to anyone. The gangs crawled out of the cracks and began looting, terrorizing and burning this town to the ground. Any police officer caught on the streets was a prime target.
Some days into this madness, the blazing city had turned the skies red. And against this apocalyptic backdrop, I was sitting in a trailer, on a date, with the prettiest girl I had ever seen. Then I received a call, from an officer, informing me there was a pregnant girl buried alive in the cemetery. I told the officer that if we go out there we’ll be murdered by the mob. She told me, she won’t abandon a girl buried alive, all terrified and alone in her coffin. After much deliberation, I told my date I was leaving. And suffice to say it, she never called me again.
When I arrived at the cemetery, the officer was already elbow deep in the dirt, digging her way down to the buried coffin. Her being out there, alone, in uniform, doing her duty, inspired members of the public to join in. With all of them digging away, I barricaded the cemetery’s gate with my cruiser and held off the gathering of vultures. Their numbers were growing, word was spreading of two of Hathian’s finest in the cemetery and we were becoming surrounded. But above everything were the screams of that girl buried alive. Screaming and screaming.
Sergeant Lizette Calhern Doge is more stubborn than I am, I knew she wouldn’t leave without the girl, so I held the line… until my cruiser was ablaze and I was being pushed back. At this moment Lizette reached the coffin, she pulled out the pregnant and still screaming girl, and we extracted her out from the rear of the cemetery. Terrorism did not win on that night either.
Word of Lizette’s courage started spreading through the town, in the days that followed the mayor knew he was done. And thanks to Sergeant Doge’s bravery, he backtracked on his pledge and HPD returned to duty.”
“I present to you, Miss Hathian 2023. For her exceptional service to the community and for inspiring all the young women of this town.Landon Fyre announcing Sgt. Lizette Calhern Doge as winner for 2023
Our Winner Mr Hathian 2023
While the competition for women could have perhaps been open to an charge that Fyre may have determined the winner, that was not the case for the men’s competition, where guests at the museum were invited to use electronic voting equipment. Our editor at the Observer, Daiyu Tang announced the format:
Daiyu: “Now, Hathian… I have to say that we have, other than Porkins, a fairly… hot… selection of male competitors to choose from… If you like your men seasoned, there perfect Spurs, if you like them dark and handsome, we’ve got you covered, uniforms a plenty… and even a bare chested photo. Yum right? But this isn’t about which of them I’d sleep with, it’s about which of them did the most for Hathain and really hits that Mr. Hathian vibe that I think exists…
So Landon might have have his methodology, mine however is a little bit more open… behind me are the winners and their photos… I’d like everyone here to use their phone and #Slido for the URL on screen behind me to select which of our contestants they would like to see they win! The only small print is that Porkins isn’t here and didn’t want to compete, so you’re left with eight of Hathian’s men… Once ten minutes have passed, we’ll have the vote count and see who has taken the lead…
Will it be the hunky healing hands of the Dr. with a criminal mind? Will if be the fire chief who gets hotter in every photo I take? Perhaps Corbin, the young lover of Why Verdandi deserves your vote? Our tireless Observer photographer John who never sleeps and spend three days and nights at HGH… Maybe it’ll be the keeper of crows… although his seems to have flown the cage today… So go ahead and vote, but you only get one vote, so use it wisely! We’ll tally them up and announce the winner!”
For the men, the voting attracted a lot of attention. The Observer can assure all participants that the voting was fair without change by anyone. Whomever the 50 odd guests in the museum choose would be crowned the winner… tension in the room built and it’s fair to say our editor might have been giving a few sultry looks at the assembled crowd of potential winners. Eye Candy is always right, right?
Daiyu: “There were a total of 46 votes with Simon taking 9%, Hayden taking 7%, Spurs taking 20%, Dale taking 17%, Alexandr taking 9%, John taking 24%, Corbin taking 7% and Liam taking 9%! Wow! John wins with 11 votes cast out of the 46, everyone was so close, clearly Hathian thinks you’re all hot!
Congratulations! John, a very deserved win! If you don’t mind coming up here, allowing me to totally cause a harassment case by getting a kiss.. although kinda weird as you work for me and then I’ve got a special crown for you!
The Observer is delighted that our hard working staff member John was loved by many of you int he crowd, but we also want to call out all of our nominees and as Landon did, everyone in Hathian who is working for good. You are all Mr Hathians.
Social Media Reaction
There’s been a big buzz on social media after the event… let’s just say a mix of drunk fun and a few people who also want a crown. Let’s start with our pet crow, Lucy:
How about Zairah wearing her self-appointed Miss Hathian crown…
Annika being a gracious winner and being fairly noted for all the work she did on raising funds for Hathian:
We at the Observer love this photo:
And finally… because Hathian can’t end on a good note… We might disagree with the lack of a free vote, but with a free vote our Observer editor also didn’t get her kiss from Spurs or Dale… so… Everyone will have to accept the winners, they (and everyone) won…
The Observer notes that we ((DarkStalker Darkfold)) has uploaded many pictures from the event HERE. As Mr Hathian he’s doing good already!
Perhaps mostly importantly though at the end of the night, Landon Fyre donated $50,000 to the HGH fund… we’re not quite sure where he got the cash from, but perhaps we can all hope Tori’s bail money funded the rebuild from her terrorism.
For those interested in using the museum for their own event, please reach out to Daiyu Tang and for those of you who didn’t win this year, there is always next… and the format seems to change each year!