By: Maja – Gunk Tank Guru
Hello again those MIA! Did you miss me? I know you did you nasty little perverts!
Yes you! I’m watching you through the camera I placed in your fridge… (Before you get going Maja, are you sure you’re not the pervert? – Ed), I see what gets you off and it sickens me! Truly. Especially you Della. Fridges are not meant for that! Anyway… Anyway!!!
The article today, while starting off with something that could be lifted verbatim straight out of a dominatrix erotica (or one of Carly’s articles) will unfortunately not be keeping with that tone. I just wanted to get it all out of our collective system so we can do some cold clinical analysis that this serious topic (which I am about to reveal) deserves. I don’t want this article to devolve into something that could possibly tarnish the Observers’ long standing reputation for hard hitting journalism (Well done on 1000 articles guys!) (-3000 Ed). Please before you start to read, make sure you are in a calm, relaxed and serious headspace. When you’re ready and comfortable please feel free to read on…
Simon LeMarchand steals sperm from patients for a cum barrel. Please find a neck brace linked below to help with that tonal whiplash.
Now that I assume you’ve bought the neck brace, waited for it to arrive and have it placed securely around your neck… So I can continue, you dainty little mountain flower you.
Now while Mr. LeMarchand’s name often brings up memories of ‘The Grand Old Duke of York’ LeMarching his soldiers up and down the hill I really should use his proper title: Penis Pumper Dr. LeMarchand as we here at the observer always try and be respectful of proper titling about those we expose.
Many of you will know Dr. LetThemEatCake for his recent protest, his recent assault by the recently married Liz (many warm wishes from the Observer to all you bastards in blue), or most likely his tumultuous leadership of HGH with one of his very first orders when taking over as the Chief reportedly was to order skimpier uniforms for the nurses and organise a strip calendar featuring “The Hot Nurses, no uggos or fatties” -Dr LeMarchand.
Skilled Physician or Overlooked Pervert?
Now while Dr LeMarchand may may be a ‘skilled’ physician enough that people might overlook some of his more cretinous behaviours, it has come to this artists’ attention that the man is using his position as HGH chief to siphon off donated sperm to collect… Seemingly just to collect in a barrel locked away in a unused part of the hospital… Like, that’s pretty fucking weird right?
The exact purpose of this barrel of man seed and life regrets remains unclear. While Dr. LeMarchforthandconquer has a name of French origin, his obsession with male tears makes it clear his mind is much more closely aligned with that of the Ancient Egyptians. One nurse I asked questions to seemed to believe the man and his partners BATHED in it regularly, reportedly believing it gives them sexual powers and help with retaining ones youth and vitality.
Many of you will be wondering how Dr. LeMarsMoist gets a literal BARREL of sperm (that’s 55 freedom units or 200 litres to use normal folk) past his team of ‘crack’ colleagues (see right). It’s a frankly FRIGHTENING amount of male love jelly for anyone to have collected. Some may not be convinced that the man literally bathes in sperm in his spare time, (but to be fair have you seen his hair? Maybe there is something to this) which was also my thinking dear reader but interviewing more nurses revealed a cavalcade of SEEN and possible uses, one Nurse swears she Dr Le30secondstoMars inject some of the semen into patients under his care as a way of “Testing its healing properties”
Another observation was when a heavily pregnant member of staff said the Dr. is collecting it to attempt to impregnate as many women as possible in order to bring in more maternity income! Go in for a scrape or a bullet wound, come out with a pregnancy. Fuck me… Well… Artificially it seems! This pregnant woman, when asked about who the father of the child was and if she was paying HGH at the time for their maternity care, was reported to say “No comment” which should be raising alarm bells for many!
While whatever Dr. LesMiserables believes of semen and its unproven health effects, its clear this abuse of power is just another in a long line of men abusing their power to fulfil sick and twisted fantasies! What other crimes has Dr. LeBewareTheIdesOfMarchand done to those only seeking healing? How many times has this man defiled his Hippocratic oath just for the sheer thrill of it!? We simply may never know.
This is Maja, once again reminding you that the Truth lies Masked In Anonymity
Editorial Note: The Hathian Observer while accepting of gossip as part of keeping Hathian entertained and potentially finding new stories wishes it to be noted that… that Maja has crossed a line here and despite whatever Stanley thinks (which if I had to guess while keeping my job it might be that he has read about the… ‘turkey baster’ kink) Maja is benched for a while while I go and ensure Simon gets a basket of flowers for this. Gossip is NOT news Maja! This was news… when Simon suffered Trauma! Now he gets this… Christ…
You can read the rest of Maja’s ‘writings’: HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE.
((Maja is a player. Posted with OOC consent))
