By: Maja – Gossip ‘Queen’
Hello again to those MIA… Time for me to issue another proclamation!
Well hello there all of you! I understand that I am doing pretty well with these so I thought I’d try for something slightly different than the others I have penned… but only slightly.
Today’s article is a mix of things! Over the past few columns (check me out HERE, HERE, HERE, HERE and HERE!) there has been some questions about my credibility in exposing the seedy underbelly of this fair but oft foul city. People seem to be taken my relaxed attitude about these disclosures and assume that everything I spout is nonsense or exaggerated truths. This then leads me onto the point of today…
No one even denies it on twitter and even if they do, its half truths where they only deny PART of the article Sure, she says she isn’t a cannibal, but don’t think I didn’t notice that little miss didn’t exist 10 years ago.
I can provide photos of Corbin’s pickle… Evidence that Shelby LeBlanc is a fake name and show you that Elben is packing away more back bacon than half of Hathian like Eleri, Bethari, Estelle and any other ‘eri, ari, ‘e that there are! (N.b. There! I mentioned someone else other than you Editor, are you FINALLY happy?)
And yet… still no one acts on what I say? Where are the hordes of people asking Carter to prove his shaft is not metal?! Although, granted, I do admit that could just be from a general desire to not see that ‘man’ nude in any form, final evolution or not! Where are the people investigating Shelby’s missing ex’s or her hidden past? Well FINE. You want something you can’t ignore? How’s this for interest?
Rosannah Rose-Nakayama fucking killed Porkins.
Yes! You read that right. Go on, read it again. Read it a 100 times. Rosannah Rose-Nakayama killed Porkins. Took him like his name sake and just fucking slaughtered him like a… well pig for slaughter!
Now. That might of made many of your hearts skip a beat, after all our own Porkins has been a long standing member of HPD for years dutifully servicing our boys in blue and blood with distinction and pride like a loyal truffle pig. So I am happy to report that it is NOT the Porkins of Hathian.
No… no… Thankfully no! As I’m sure that all of you are aware, Porkins is part of the USA’s largest policing dynasty in history. Something that is well enshrined in Hathian’s Hathian Police Department and pretty much taken as universal fact these days that there will be a Porkins at the Front Desk.
So if not our Porkins, then whose?
(pictured right – a Hathian Porkins that we all love)
Let me paint you a picture:
The thunder rolls in the distance, the wind and rain lashing across your face, the lights flicker, half heartedly illuminating your path. Tightening your coat as you walk quickly through the graveyard, occasionally stepping through a muddy puddle that stains your shoes making you curse.
“Just a small shortcut. Just this once.” You tell yourself.
You were tired. It had been a long day on the end of a long week and you just wanted to go home. You stiffened slightly as you heard noises in the distance. Your pace faltering, a pang shooting through your stomach as you turn to eye the distance you’ve come… You’re already wondering if you should turn back and go the long way.
You shake the feeling off and your pace quickens in line with your heartbeat as you hear those noises again… Even through all the wind and the rain, you hear them.
But You see the sign in the distance. You can’t quite make it out yet, but you know the words, you know in their glow, you’ll be safe.
But no. Alas no safety is found in that glow! Basked in that glow is Rosannah, standing over the corpse of Officer Porkins!
This gruesome murder was committed years ago by (an admittedly much slimmer) Rosannah! The police in New Orleans still have a warrant out for her arrest in questioning for this murder and she is obviously their lead suspect in the murder case.
After the murder this CCTV footage was provided them of Rosannah standing near the body (which was cropped by NOPD so blame them there’s no money shot). This woman, in (apparently – Ed) complete cold blood, and (apparently – Ed) premeditated murder, ended the life of Officer Porkins just like all those squirrels she ‘accidentally’ sits on in the park.
Now, when I say that Porkins was murdered, this brings to light things that you might see in a stage production of Hamlet, a half bloodied knife, a lack of a struggle and Porkins’s peacefully resting corpse as Rosannah makes a cross over her body in silent prayer. You wish. No, for Ros (not being from ancient Egypt) there is not sanctity to be found in a corpse. Officer Porkins was shot with his OWN gun, Rosannah then stabbed officer Porkins multiple times before finally, she ripped him apart limb by limb, head and all. This is a brutal act shows the woman holds NOTHING sacred, there is no act on any man, living or dying that could cause her to even flinch!
This revelation is of course nearly as titanic as the woman herself, 300 pounds of overly aggressive Catholic Italian woman wrapped up in a Vipers’ shell, with the teeth from the shark from Jaws and a penchant for murder, mayhem and violence in not just our fair beautiful innocent seaside town. Although I’m sure some will say this shouldn’t even be that much of a shock for those that know her cannibal past (two cannibal stories back to back. Welcome to Hathian newbies…), as it is no secret anymore that the woman would routinely consume human flesh as if it were no different from her favourite lamb dinner! Given Ros and Shelby’s over sized butts maybe the secret to those Instagram curves is human flesh in this town…
Whatever fallout may happen… Know that truth lies masked in anonymity!
Maja
Editorial Note: The Hathian Observer while accepting of gossip as part of keeping Hathian entertained and potentially finding new stories wishes it to be noted that the list of HPD officers murdered in service is pretty long. Presumably the murder of officers in New Orleans is even longer. It is also perhaps not surprising that a… dun dun dun… gang member… might be involved in bad stuff. Welcome to Hathian. If any aspiring journalist or freelancer wants to investigate any of Maja’s rumours, please reach out to us, I would, despite what Stanley says about gossip keeping me employed, be quite happy to do actual journalism! So if you want to see about Corbin’s pickle, or check on Shelby with a proper interview, just reach out to me!
((Maja is a player. Posted with OOC consent))
