Warrhol-Kelly Wins Mr. Hathian

7 mins read


The Mr. Hathian beauty pageant took place on Oct. 2nd, 2021, on the District 8 stage. A total of four contestants answered questions, displayed their talents, and stripped down to bathing suits before Sam Warrhol-Kelly was crowned the winner.

The hosts, Jordan Rizzo and Asia Banu, introduced each contestant, which included Warrhol Kelly, Jamal Wrath, Bruno Caffarelli, and Cheech Diabolito. The judges for the contest were Joy Saad, Why Verdandi, and Suki Ares.

Wrath was introduced first, and after he walked out onto the stage, he announced that he is 6’4′, 220 pounds, and lbs and 45 years old. He added, “I’m your local security guard and flirt.” The hosts asked him, “If you could rid the earth of anything at all, what would it be?” His reply was, “I would rid the world of prejudice, which should start in the education systems and institutions that have an important role in and responsibility in eliminating prejudice in society, starting with the youths.” For the talent portion of the contest, Wrath danced topless to the song “Pony” by Ginuwine.

Caffarelli was introduced next, and he stated that he is a trainer at the Garage gym, teaches pole dancing classes, and dances for ladies nights at the Titty Twister. He added that he also at the Naked Lady Spa in Vodu, where he is spa studs. Host Jordan Rizzo asked Caffarelli what his three wishes would be if he found a genie in a bottle and why would he wish for them. The contestant replied that he would wish for equality for all people in the world, that all the countries in the world would get along, and that everyone could do what they enjoy for work and get paid. The hosts, judges, and members of the audience were treated to a strip tease for Caffarelli’s talent, to the tune of “Stripper” by David Rose.

Next, the hosts introduced Sam Warrhol-Kelly, who said he is 23, 6’4″, and 189 pounds. He added that he works as a manager at the pawn shop. For his question, Warrhol-Kelly was asked, “If you could wave your hand and change one thing in the world. What is the one thing you would change?” The contestant replied that he wishes everybody could just be honest. He said, “Not just in relationships and everything like that, but politicians and stuff too. If everyone would just be fucking honest the world would be a whole different place. You wouldn’t have to always be guessing if what they was saying was true, you know?” For his talent, Warrhol-Kelly sang a beautiful rendition of “Hold Each Other” by A Great Big World.

The last contestant was Cheech Diabolito, who didn’t give his weight, height, or age. Instead, he said he was born with the magical gifts of having the perfect body and face. When Rizzo asked Diabolito to name something he doesn’t like about himself, the latter stated that he would give himself more hands, tongues, and penises, “so I can spread the love and joy to all these women.” Diabolito vomited a wordy speech at this point, and he seemed to infer that, during sex, he finishes within five minutes. There seemed to be some debate over the contestant’s chosen talent, and he ended up leaving the stage without showing the audience anything.

Once three out of four contestants had shown their talents, they all changed into swimsuits. Rizzo sang “Let’s Hear for the Boys,” while all of the men took the stage and flexed, posed, and danced. The judges cast their votes at that time. Once Rizzo finished the song, the winner was announced as being Warrhol-Kelly.

During an interview after the pageant, Warrhol-Kelly said he had been really nervous because he had never done anything like that. He pointed out that it was 80 degrees during the event where he was all buttoned up, so he was definitely sweating for more than one reason. Warrhol-Kelly’s husband, Jesus, talked him into singing for the talent portion of the contest. This was undoubtedly what won the pageant for Warrhol-Kelly. He said he was very nervous since he had never sung in front of a lot of people before. However, “… once I got going and people were listening and they weren’t booing or anything like that, well it got easier and I walked around the stage a bit. Then when it was all over, people were clapping and my sister and my friends were shouting out that it was great, and I gotta tell you that was really an amazing feeling.”

Warrhol-Kelly said winning the contest was awesome. He said, “My friends and family was all cheering and I got this sash and trophy, and well…it’s just a real honor, you know?” When asked if he would participate in the Mr. Hathian pageant if one for next year was planned, Warrhol-Kelly laughed and said yes. “I think everyone enjoyed it; they should definitely do it every year,” he said. He added that he wouldn’t mind if some other guy won and got to be Mr. Hathian. “That’s what competition is about,” he said.

In addition to the contest, several businesses set up stalls to provide information and refreshments for audience members. Stalls included Lou’s Bar, The Pawn Shop, The Clam Convenience Store, Berther Street Bakery, The Pie Hole Pizzeria, Sean’s Diner, and Hathian Civil Services.

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