By: Daiyu Tang
I hope dear readers that you enjoyed our retrospective from 2008 to 2015, we covered quite a range of Hathian celebrities, notorious and otherwise. We’ve still got an article on the HPD and on Gangs to come, but for now we’re focusing on part two of the Citizen & Event series.
Once again I and my sadly skeleton staff of copywriters have trawled our archives of print and online editions to find articles that I personally found interesting in this history of this town. Apologies if we’ve missed something you care about, but you can still submit this on Twitter to the threads for these articles, or write in to us at the Observer!
You might be interested to know that form 2008 to 2015 there was 1,681 articles, while from 2016 to 2021 there were 707. This was a difficult time for our newspaper with falling circulation and challenges to our journalists from many sides. We lost people along the way because Hathian can be cruel to those trying to find truth, but despite less to choose from the quality was still there. I hope you enjoy…
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Our Approach
We will provide an image from the article, a link to the original copy and then a little bit of my own thoughts as a resident of Hathian for coming up to three years. We stop at 2021 as from 2023 the Observer has started a ‘Year in Review‘ article which covers the same idea and I worked for the Observer in 2022, so don’t want people to say I pick my own articles or something! Generally I’m picking two or at most three articles per year, so that this stays manageable!
2016 – Hearts of Hathian – Soppy, Cringy, Sexy or Stalkerish…
I read one of these, then went through the others… It’s kinda morish and I think we should probably start it again in the Observer.
Want to bare your soul (or lust) at someone in our City, then for a very small fee you can write into us with an ode to their beauty, brains or butt…
Look at this poet: “Dear L, Roses are red violets are blue, I want to fuck ur ass please love me – C”
Ok, there were some nicer ones, but you are Hathian… And the above was fairly common!
2016 – Before Charlie Stood, the Pawn Shop was ‘Car Standing Central’
It might surprise you readers to know that Charlie and Em Bundy aren’t the only ones to often stand on the poor cars outside the Pawn Shop, in fact in 2016 nearly ten years ago the Hathian Observer sent reporters to go find out more.
With someone called Sayu Shirokane apparently the ‘best’ at it, our reporter showed that just ten minutes later, sleep was the natural outcome of something boring.
Charlie. What’s your secret?
2016 – Not a Good Year for the Water Supplies
It was hard to pick this or the story around the initial Zombie panic of some drugging, but in the end the two months without water seemed pretty severe.
By all accounts it seemed that the water supply had been poisoned by some woman (pictured left) which brings to mind things Tori or some of the more recent ‘whackos’ would do. Hurt many because they can.
In typical Hathian fashion it was all a bit shady though and the Federal Government had to get involved due to how poor Hathian was at managing to clean up the issue!
Shoutout in 2016 to the backwards and forwards between Mayor Matfield and Ellis… but Ellis doesn’t need more column inches, yet.
2017 – Pearl of Hathian (Krystal was Different Back Then?)
There’s a long list of entrants for the 2017 Hathian Pearl contest (a beauty and talent pageant). But what struck me here was how few names I now know in our city. Perhaps they are out there, but short (literally for Krystal) of Krystal, Alexandra Markus, Gidge (I think I know) and Lozza, most of these pearls appear to have been lost.
Such is the way of our city. Also, don’t mess with Krystal, she ‘shot a can off of someone’s hand’ which kinda seems poor gun safety really.
2017 – To the Maximum
So… wow… our Max has changed quite a bit. So ok, why did I pick this one out of the pile?
Firstly, it’s great to see someone still grafting in Hathian after this time. Secondly, this was the first in a ‘Humans of Hathian’ series and I… having started a ‘Citizens of Hathian’ series, felt a connection here and also marginally less original and amazing. Billie St. Diaz (Any relation to the Diaz who shot me, or the Diaz who owns a gas store?) you were the original. Well done.
Anyway, Max was her usual self, I liked this quote: “like everyone in ‘Athian, I am not ‘ere wit’out my sins… I sold ‘uman lives.. wit’ my ‘usband, boug’t t’em like one would buy jewels. It wasn’t ‘ard. Nor too weird.. for us, we like to engage wit’ our darker selfs.. and we engaged t’at, promoted t’at.. sold it…” Yeah… be careful around Rub N’Tug ok?
2017 – Chemical Attack, or Stephen King’s ‘The Fog’…
Sadly, terrorism and gang violence continue year on year on year. In 2017 it was the turn of the centre of Hathian to be covered in a strange fog, dispersed by criminals aligned to a Group that no longer exists… ‘The Revenant’. Yes, I could have put that in a gang article, but I choose this due to the apocalyptic images our reporters captured.
With the gas causing insanity and random violence, it seems something that later copycats like the Yuugen would take a leaf from.
2018 – The Hathian Ring (by) Steel
Joanne Steel, former colleague at the Observer wrote extensively about fighting events in and around Hathian . But the series called the Hathian Ring exposed real problems through 2018… Illustrated for example by series:
“The final spectacle was a competition, the woman that had been hung from the wall all night had her breasts and vagina marked with targets and the aim of the game was to score the most points with three darts”
So this in effect became another Hathian extreme. Not fights, but fetish and torture. It seems to me a good thing when it was broken up by the HPD.
2018 – The Hathian Batchelor was like… Bad Big Brother?
I’ve linked to a random episode, but this thing, ran and ran and ran, all the way to a finale.
It even had it’s own WEBSITE… But having read it… it’s not for me. But I think it might well be for some of our readers… So what did you think, did James get it right?
You can review all the episodes if you like this kinda stuff… HERE.
2018 – “Camden ain’t no fucking innocent victim.”
Dear reader, we’re back with Ellis Millet again. Slightly older, clearly not that much wiser as he appeared to have stabbed Camden Fabers, who as you should all know is the leader of one of the most vicious and effective gangs in Hathian, the King Street Bones.
Never-the-less it appears that Millet, Camden, a woman and even the HPD were involved in a kinda love ‘rhombus’ where Camden alleged the HPD paid Millet to stab him, while all sorts of other shenanigans were going on including sexual assault. Oh dear.
2018 – Bonus One – Bowen and Lions, are they Clean? Their Port Wasn’t…
Bowen from the Lion’s family does like to be squeaky clean. He has impressed on me in interviews and in his actions that he is a man of charity, donations and expensive tastes.
In Hathian often people rise on the backs of others, or once they have, they need a way to stay at the top, but every now and then they take risks and in this article it was almost pinned on them via their company that they had been responsible for toxic leaks into the Hathian water supply… Hear that Bowen? We’ve still got (I’ve got) our eyes on you!
2019 – Future Miss Hathian Stabs Man to Death
This article, assuming it’s the same person (and with that name one assumes – but I could be wrong) is interesting on a number of levels.
I always wondered how Landon Fyre and Asia Banu got to know each other and now I wonder if as an HPD receptionist this was their vector to know each other?
In any case she apparently kills a man in self-defence… and later with the support of a strange Cop, becomes Miss Hathian. The world of Hathian turns in strange ways!
2019 – Music Battles; Healthier than the Usual Riots
Vicus vs. Joy Saad… At least one name there I didn’t expect to be hearing about in a dance battle and looking less scary than his recent Hathian Haunt costumes!
It’s great to see something in Hathian creative like this, so all credit to Rize studios and here’s a free plug to the music videos…
2019 wasn’t the best year for stories… so this can help to make up for it, so go watch Vicus dance and then reconcile that with the man known to be in the King Street in 2024!
2020 – Hathian Pride, an Institution Goes from Strength to Strength
One thing that Hathian does and does well is PRIDE. All the other things go wrong and many of the people are wrong, but so many of them are accepting of those with differences and each year I’ve been here Pride has got better and better.
This selection is just a thank you to those who make it happen (for example recently Poppy) but of course those in the past should also be given credit!
We hope Hathian continues to have each year more successful than the last! A little shout-out to the Warrhol and Ramirez wedding as well. Yes there was drama later, but… still. It’s sweet.
2020 – But not all Weddings go well. Some end with a Bang!
So Warrhol and Ramirez managed to have a sweet wedding, yet it seemed that at least one current Hathian citizen (Loz Weymann) likes to shoot up people’s wedding.
In this case while the Observer reported a potential plane crash involving Loz, we know she is still around. A case of the news not always seeing through the ‘fog of war’.
We hope (but sadly know they don’t) that other weddings go better in Hathian and in many cases they do, but some… often become bloody.
2020 – It ‘Boiled His Brain’
No, not another attempt for a Hathian Big Brother (see earlier) it was this time a disease and a rather dangerous one at that.
With dead reported to be ‘coughing up blood’ and reported to have fever, one emergency worker was quoted as saying “basically boiled his brain.” Just for good measure they added that, “Everybody should be scared because this is the kind of thing that you read about it in post-apoc books.”
Well, as with many things Hathian survived, but if you live here, infectious diseases (and not just STDs) are fairly common. Protect yourself!
2021 – Wet & Wild – Flood Edition
Extreme Weather is one of the other risks Hathian faces (and sometimes you get the infectious stuff AFTER the extreme weather).
With Hathian seemingly never fully recovered after the fateful Hurricane Katrina then it must have triggered shock, flashbacks and worse for some of those who had been there then when in 2021 the flood water rose.
With someone pictured sailing their house down the street, it clearly was a storm of serious levels, so it always amazes me that despite the Observer now giving plenty of warning (and paying for weather feeds) people still get caught out when a new storm hits.
Still this one was a big one… and when in August the same year another storm loomed, we at least saw rather less dramatic pictures.
2021 – FDH and HCS get their Ball Bombed
A ‘strange man in a black trench coat lurking around’ is never a good sign in Hathian. Who remembers Hades and his predations? I think he isn’t around anymore… hopefully.
Anyway, in this case an FDH and HCS (Hathian Civil Services) ball was targeted by a bomb blast that seriously injured officers and also had other fatalities seemingly as part of the incident.
Large events in Hathian do sometimes go badly, so it’s always worth knowing your escape routes and basic first aid…
2021 – Saddest News
RIP to a well known resident in Hathian. While her criminal past is easy to uncover even in the Observer, we know that stories aren’t always that simple.
2021 ended with sadness and loss and this is sometimes the burden we bear living in Hathian and making what connections we can with those around us.
Sadly, I never knew her, but for those that did, our commiserations.
So that concludes our Citizen and Events retrospective… Next up is either Gangs or HPD… let me know in our Twitter comment thread on this (here) which you want first, and whether you agree, or disagree with the selections above.
Oh and if you do want to check on 2022 it’s when my favourite celebrity frenemy was in a bit of X rated Onlyfans trouble!
