By: Observer Staff Reporter ((Photos by Charlie and team!))
In the view of our editor, Daiyu Tang, there are easier ways to announce that an ice cream shop has opened, even in Hathian. Most involve a modest banner, some advertising, perhaps a few free samples and a radio jingle or two on WKRD. This… wasn’t the approach taken by the newest place to relax in Hathian… Hex & Scoops.
Hex & Scoops instead appeared on Berthier Street beneath an arch of black and purple balloons surrounded by bubbling cauldrons, broomsticks, ornate signs and pointed hats. It was like Witch Way Alley had relocated, but then decided that in this weather more people would want ice cream than ‘magical Viagra’…
At the center of the event, stood a menu which was (as our photos show) committed entirely to the premise. Witch’s Brew, Midnight Moon, Lavender Hex, Cauldron Crunch, Broomstick Berry Sorbet and Salted Caramel Conjure were offered beneath a promise that every scoop contained ‘a little bit of magic’.
That turned out to be both branding and, in certain cases, a warning.
An Opening To Remember
The new shop at 666 Berthier Street was already drawing a crowd before eleven on Tuesday morning. Customers gathered in the road and around small tables while music played from a car-mounted stereo. Some inspected the menu carefully. Others appeared to have decided that free ice cream required no further due diligence and went for it like Bobby Boxer does a new secretary.
Bana, Rakel Littlebird and Charlie Bundy moved through the gathering with the nervous excitement of people who had spent weeks building something and had now discovered that strangers genuinely wanted it. This may have been an unfamiliar experience for Charlie. The Observer has previously called him ‘Chainsaw Charlie’; less formal sections of Hathian know him simply as ‘that stabbing guy’. Still, one can’t fault him. Charlie was among the first to test the product, praising the work before asking the question that would later prove more important than he perhaps realised.
“There’s no drugs in this one, right?”
Bana’s answer was reassuring in the particular way that a wide grin from a Hathian is reassuring.
“Do we look like the type to put drugs into anything?”
For the opening portion of the opening, this remained approximately true.
The ice cream itself earned genuine praise. We heard after Lily selected the Broomstick Berry Sorbet that she thought it was “Hella good.” A later customer tasted a serving, asked whether it was homemade and said he planned to return. Bana confirmed that the family made the ice cream themselves with fresh ingredients.
“I don’t think any of us expected it to be this popular,” she admitted as the crowd grew. “Welcome to Hex & Scoops! Dig into the cauldron of delights, and if you don’t see the topping you want, just ask. We’re always happy to make your perfect scoop.”
The family element mattered. When Kozzy congratulated Bana for building a place people wanted to visit, she immediately shared the credit.
“This was a family effort,” she said. “Charlie, Rakel and myself did it together. It’s amazing what you can do when you’ve got the support and love of amazing family and friends.”
It was a real answer and a truth in Hathian that the Observer has covered time and time again. Family first. Blood ties.
Like Coffee, But Way Wilder
Alongside the conventional toppings sat a crushed powder which staff openly called Devil’s Bliss.
Rakel offered it as a “party topper,” describing the effect to one customer as being “like coffee, but way wilder.” The main cauldron was repeatedly described as clean, and several visitors were told that adding the Bliss was optional. Customers could request a small amount, a large amount or, as the morning progressed, apparently exercise their own judgement near what increasingly resembled a self-service bar of questionable decisions.
Sati “Rosa” St. Diaz required very little persuasion as we at the Observer might expect.
“No St. Diaz ever said no to drugs, chica,” she announced, confirming our expectations with one memorable quote.
Rakel pinched the crushed Bliss over Sati’s cone and celebrated the first customer and first dose of the day. Sati held up the powdered ice cream toward Malik and gave the shop an immediate endorsement.
“And they have free drugs! Fuck yeah!” – we will for the purposes of not ‘tipping off’ now refer to these ‘free drugs’ as ‘alleged’. Staff and customers repeatedly called the topping a drug. For legal, editorial and extremely obvious Hathian reasons, the Observer will refer to it hereafter as the alleged narcotic ingredient in a wholly innocent frozen-dessert promotion.
The Observer can confirm though that several customers subsequently displayed dilated pupils, impaired balance, intense euphoria and vivid visual distortions. No toxicology report was available. Ordinary sugar, however, rarely causes an adult to study a chocolate-covered finger as though it contains instructions from God.
One individual after eating his ice cream became increasingly transfixed by the colours above Berthier Street. The clouds rolled and twisted, he said, leaving bright trails across his vision.
“It’s like the sky’s a washing machine full of glitter.”
This was perhaps the strongest review of the day, although it remains unclear whether it applied to the weather, the ice cream or the designer (alleged) drug.
Sati, meanwhile, had moved from dancing to structural testing. Her hips struck two nearby chairs, sending them to the ground.
“Booty power!” she declared, before suggesting that she might move a car. The car survived. Several barrels did not escape her attention.
Once Charlie explained that they contained beer, Sati placed her face beneath the tap and drank directly from it and the ice-cream shop opening became a street party.
Blessed, Bladed and Finally Open
By the time Priestess Eva arrived to bless the premises, Hex & Scoops had been serving customers for several hours. The ribbon remained untouched.
Charlie had suggested cutting it shortly after eleven then customers had arrived, ice cream was scooped, Devil’s Bliss proved more popular than expected, the beer began flowing, tequila appeared (we think it was anyway) and the practical definition of ‘open’ rather overtook the ceremonial one of the ribbon.
Eva took her time over a lavender cone before stepping toward the entrance. She congratulated Bana and Rakel on the new shop and offered a blessing not merely for prosperity, but for health, joy, fellowship, full hearts, safe journeys home and good memories beneath its roof. For a few moments, the music, laughter and chemical enthusiasm gave way to something quieter.
Then, at approximately 3:25 in the afternoon, the shop finally remembered to open. There were no ceremonial scissors. Bana produced one of her curved raptor blades. Rakel held a pink box cutter. With a flick of both wrists, they sliced through the red ribbon together and sent its two halves falling toward the pavement.
“Hex & Scoops is officially open!” they shouted.
“Everybody’s laughing, Charlie’s smiling, Rakel’s yelling at strangers to use drugs responsibly, That’s about as close to a perfect opening as Hathian gets.”
Come for the ice cream.
Stay because the sky has become a washing machine full of glitter. (allegedly)
