What’s in a Gein Burger? Science Reveals All!

97.5% beef according to rigorous scientific analysis. It's the 2.5% insect and rat DNA that might be the problem! Oh and cocaine...

10 mins read

Dear readers, it’s time for SCIENCE!

Daiyu Tang here with an investigation into the content of a typical Gein Burger! Do you want to know what goes into your meat? Do you want to be sure that unlike some of the rumours there isn’t human in there?

We all know Gein can be quite unhealthy; whether that is the reported high salt content… or the rumours that previous Gein managers might have tried to cause locals Heart Attacks

But first a little bit of a history lesson… Back in 2010 and 2011 a string of murders shocked the Hathian community… people disappeared and it was only through perhaps good fortune (someone vomited up a human bone) that eventually the manager of the Gein at the time, Harley Riler was arrested for a string of gruesome murders. It became clear that this mass murderer had not only killed people but also fed parts of them to others via the Gein. There’s other stories about the Gein as well, including how it got the name, but I’m new to town and the details have eluded me, or at least what’s fact and fiction… perhaps you know more; write in!

Anyway, without repeating all the details, those interested can review the arrest, trial and finally the article about Harley’s hanging for further details.

Now a decade has passed and new management has taken over the Gein on a number of occasions. I myself readers, have worked at the Gein under Jessica before she left the city and while I never saw any inappropriate use of ingredients and since there was a contract with the Slab ensuring that at least the meat came from a reputable butcher these rumours floated around but mostly as Urban Legend with little memory among newer citizens.

UNTIL NOW… when new management led by Austin Ridley took over and the rumours have resurfaced. In an effort to dispel these slurs against his business, Ridley has commissioned testing by CU to prove the content of his burgers are not human.

A photo of the inside of the Gein
The new decoration at the Gein

By the way readers, it is quite possible that as a serving HPD officer, these types of rumours might be being done to undermine him, especially as he has redecorated the Gein to celebrate FDH, HGH and HPD staff (which I think is a nice gesture). Some in the town can’t stand to see a uniform succeed in another venture.

The science is in!

With the help of Daria Lubezki at CU, significant work was undertaken to review the content of the Gein’s burgers…

“Overall: Beef shows evidence of including all parts of the cow, not just meat, including but not limited to various organs such as Liver, intestine, ovaries, and testicles. overall, 97.5% beef DNA with 1.3% rat DNA and 1.2% insect DNA (well within national FDA approved standards of ground beef). There is also evidence of trace amounts of cocaine within the tested material.”

Columtreal University Lab – analysis performed by Daria Lubezki (Full lab test details included in appendix on our online edition)

Well, so the good news for Ridley! No humans in the random samples. The bad news? Science makes burgers yucky... I had to go away and check, did you know that the FDA in America allows that canned mushrooms can include more than 20 maggots “of any size” and 75 mites, per 100 grams. I got side-tracked reading websites such as this that go into details of FDA allowed ‘defects’.

And Cocaine? Does the grill chef have a habit, or is this getting in upstream of the Gein? That’s a topic for another day… but no, apparently you can’t get high on minute quantities of cocaine, but it *could* be addictive in the long run… Austin denies all knowledge and Daria indicates contamination like this is quite possible at any part of the value change (from cow to grill).

This is therefore a good point to pivot onto the protests that have been going on around meat in Hathian and in particular a recent protest outside the Gein. Could this be a symptom of the Vegan ‘Vigilante’ that CU Gossipgirl has reported on?

Protests at the Gein

A few days ago, our ace photographer John, caught a protest by Zofia the CU Clinic lead and Mi-na, one of the key students at the University. They were outside the Gein, protesting that ‘meat is murder’ and the usual exhortations to eat more vegetables and move towards the Vegan diet that some Hathian citizens favour (Landon is known to be very much in favour for example). Now reader, there’s nothing wrong with more vegetables and well done to those who can lower their carbon budget by eating less meat, but I need both fish, meat and vegetables for a balanced diet…

Zofia with a megafone outside the Gein
Zofia – the CU Clinic manager ((Photo Credit DarkStalker Darkfold))

So with protests around, a somewhat less than healthy approach to what they serve and those awful FDA allowed ‘defects’… while I’m pleased for Austin that the nasty rumours of people ARE NOT TRUE, he’s going to have to do some advertising and customer work to push through the protest and move on. Perhaps he can add some vegetarian options to the menu?

Online Appendix: Science Details from Daria!

Equipment used: Top loading balance, Analytical balance, 50 mL polypropylene centrifuge tubes, 1 mL and 10 mL electronic pipettes, Vortex mixer, centrifuge, Autosampler vial, volumetric flasks, N-Evaporator.

Instrumentation used: Mass Spectrometer, Analytical Column, SHIMADZU spectrophotometer

Reagents and solutions: Acetonitrile, Glycine, Glycine buffer, Methanol, Sodium Chloride, Sodium hydroxide, lysol buffer, phenol, chloroform, isoamyl alcohol, water.

Process: All samples were taken from 2 pounds of frozen beef patties aquired from Gein Burger. They were transported to Columtreal University science lab in a sterilized cooler. The meat was then placed in a refrigerator to thaw.

Each patty was then separated into 8 different samples and categorized as such for the remainder of the testing. Samples of each patty were crushed with lysis buffer of varying amounts (to determine specific DNA) and placed in the centrifuge tubes. They were then vortexed at 3000rpm for 2 minutes to allow for homogenization. After incubated for 10 minuets at 60c, a phenyl-chlorophorm-isoamyl alcohol mixture was added to break down cell walls. It was then vortexed for 10 minutes at 3000rpm. They were then placed in 4c vortex for 10 minutes at 14000 RPM. The sample was placed again to incubate for 12-30 minutes at 20-50c (depending on species being tested for).

Phenyl-chloroform-isoamyl alcohol was added yet again and vortexed for 10 minuets at 3000 rpm. It was then placed in a centrifuge for 10 minutes at 4c and 14000 RPM. After eliminating waste alcohol, the sample was rehydrated using sterile water (Milli-Q). The spectrophotometer was used to determine the purity of the DNA samples leading to the above-listed results.

In testing for narcotic compounds: Varying compounds such as phenanthrene, Triphenylsophate, Arecoline, Scopolamine, and Diazinon were added to samples of the ground beef to determine the chemicals within not native to the tested species make-up. These were all added to centrifuge tubes. Glycine buffer was added and then the samples were vortexed for 10 minuets at 3000 rpm. The samples were then allowed to settle for 45 minutes. 6mL of Acetonitrile was added to each sample and vortexed for another 10 minutes at 3000 rpm. 6mL of sodium hydroxide was then added and vortexed for 5 minutes at 4000 RPM. Samples were then placed in the centrifuge for 3200 RPM and 5 minutes. Excess liquid was removed from the top. Samples were then reduced with stream nitrogen at 65c. Sample was then transferred to autosampler and injected into spectrometer.

Results for all narcotic compounds were negative with the exception of Cocaine, which was found to be present in all samples with an average of 1.3%.

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