The CU Panty Heist

2 mins read

By CU Gossip Girl

Hello friends and looters!

I hope you all recovered from the Winter Ball and that tree incident! We’re lucky we didn’t all get electrified! Next time one of you decides to water a tree, you can do it outside.

The CU throuple; Tyler, Brooke and Lucy.

The tea is overflowing on campus with Dean Carly taking the helm. We have a throuple (Tyler, Brooke and Lucy – I guess Lucy isn’t so innocent anymore and what’s with Brooke calling Carly mommy?), the visible tension between the Cheer Captain and the Dean, and THAT pink tax riot which we’ll talk about for years.

The pink riot

But I wanted to draw your attention, Looters to something else I’ve heard.

Panties. Going missing. From the cheer squad locker room, from Beta Iota Chi dorms, from the gym lockers where the Ball Busters hold court.

Is it the football team? A cheerleader with an underwear habit? No-one knows who it is and I’ve heard names thrown around like Maya Flores, or Tyler, or maybe it’s the Dean herself with a fetish. Fess up, was it you? Yes, you!

When asked if she knew who the culprit was Lucy Collar said “”Panty stealer? I don’t know anything about that, but I know a nice young man here at the university who has been walking around with my pink lace panties for a week now.” Ewww.

My sources of which I have many are turning up blank so I asked AI if it could draw me the culprit. Do you know anyone who looks like this?

Keep your underwear drawers locked, CU!

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