Buffy The Drug Peddler

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By: CU Gossipgirl

A new scandal on campus broke out last night (07/11) with teachers assistant, cheerleader, and student Nurse Sarah-Michelle Buffy Gage getting arrested during her regular Columtreal University (CU) class, “Drugs with Buffy.” What can we say Looters? Other than we knew she wasn’t as squeaky clean as she pretended.

“Drugs with Buffy”” is a popular CU class

This controversial class which Miss Gage was heard insisting is a clinical trial testing out the effects of micro-dosing various narcotics on the student population, and apparently aligned with the CU Clinic on campus which is authorised to carry out experimental medical treatments by the school board, came onto the radar recently due to illegal and addictive drugs being used on the campus and Miss Gage seems to be behind it.

The effects of too many drugs?

Sarah-Michelle, who is renowned on campus for being strait laced is the granddaughter of Hathian criminal Ellis Millet, so perhaps the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. Her deceased mother Buffy-Ella Millet was also jailed in the distant past for killing Hathian fire chief at the time, Jessi Noel, with a wooden stake. Notably the same wooden stake was found in Sarah-Michelle’s possession at the time of her arrest.

Columtreal University Police Department (CUPD) Chief Alani Hunter confronted Miss Gage at the end of the class and an altercation occurred with Miss Gage assaulting the CUPD chief whilst protesting her innocence despite the fact several batches of cocaine, heroin, ecstasy and marijuana as well as several types of magic mushrooms were found in the classroom or in her possession. Following the scuffle, Gage was arrested and has been placed in the CUPD cells for the time being.

CUPD Chief Alani Hunter entering the classroom

It’s also rumoured that search of Miss Gage’s room on campus found some stolen medical grade laxatives and sedatives from the CU clinic, that cause drowsiness or diarrhea.

There have been rumours over the years that men who committed sexual assaults on the CU campus have found themselves in dire straits after a trip to the Get Woke coffee shop, where Sarah-Michelle, used to work.

More whispers on campus suggest that because a federal crime has been committed on a university property, involving multiple victims over a sustained period the punishment for Miss Gage may be severe and swift.

Let’s see Daddy’s money buy you out of this one, Buffy.

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