Welcome to the sixth edition of the “Ask Carly” Column here at the Observer.
Now, I imagine you all clicked the link to this article because you imagined I would be raging at Landon Fyre throughout the entire article, but this isn’t the case. Don’t get me wrong though, the man really needs to go suck a dick, and if he doesn’t know how to, he can read THIS guide I wrote about that!
No, what this article is about, is a call to boycott the absurd “Mr. & Miss Hathian” contest that is going on right now, an utter disgrace of a contest that doesn’t in fact captivate the soul of our lovely little town. Looking at the judge, Mr. Landon Fyre, and the contestants already entering, this contest should be called “Mr. & Misses Municipality” as that seems to be the only people its ridiculous theme seems to represent. Cops, hospital workers, social workers and firefighters make up like 90% of the contestants involved so far.
Where’s the Titty Twister strippers, the Jimmy’s Chicken Shack Cooks, or the homeless walking the streets every day? Where are those that actually comprise the majority of the people within our city? Well, they all failed to meet Landon Fyre’s personal requirement of being a positive influence on the city. (I’m not quite sure what’s wrong with wanting to celebrate positive people. But all nominations are processed, so if that homeless Hathian Citizen wants to write in… – Ed)
Landon Fyre, take your silly contest and go f**k yourself! You and your corrupt compatriots will never be the true face of the town we all call home. You will never represent anyone but your own failure to grasp the reality you live in. And your fashion victims will certainly never be a Mr. & Miss Hathian in my eyes. (You did note there are no HPD officers nominated so far? CUPD is like the kiddie ok version – Ed)
Stay tuned for an actual contest where everyone will be permitted and judged equally, Soon coming to a neighbourhood near you!
And that was todays edition of the Ask Carly Column. If you have a dilemma preventing you from living your life to the fullest extent, don’t hesitate to write me at [email protected] (( IM Carly Cox (Calanthral Falodir) ))
Until next time!
The Editorial Board of the Hathian Observer wishes to remind guest contributors that ragging on a competition half sponsored by the Observer isn’t the best career move! In addition, the Editor specifically wants miss C.Cox to note, that judging won’t be solely down to Landon Fyre! However any alternative competitions are welcome and the ‘show Stanley your nipples’ photo competition, is one our contributor may well win were she to choose to do it (see above)! Also views and opinions are not our views, etc, etc. For those interested in the competition despite our contributor’s misgivings you can read up here 1 / 2 / 3
