Hippity Hop: Easter Rabbit Stolen From Bakery

Charlie 'Chainsaw' Bundy Arrested - Charlie 'Humpty Dumpty' Bundy Christened.

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By: Lua Monet

On the 3rd March, Hathian PD were seen patrolling the streets in search of a female suspect involved in the theft of an Easter decoration (a rabbit) taken from the Berthier St. Bakery owned by HPD officer Lizette Calhern.

Witnesses reported seeing the woman examining the rabbit before it mysteriously disappeared and so an investigation was launched by the police, leading them to the suspect’s husband’s workplace (The Pawn Shop). However, the husband refused to cooperate and denied possessing the rabbit.

Witnesses described the man carrying a machete while making the implausible claim that he was cutting grass. Other witnesses alleged he was exhibiting paranoid behaviour, which considering his past history in these pages.

During questioning, the husband attempted to evade the authorities. A tense standoff ensued, resulting in the man being cornered by HPD near a bridge with a drop of over 10 meters. Desperate to avoid arrest, he jumped from the structure, sustaining severe injuries to his head and leg. Blood covered the street as an officer attempted to staunch the bleeding with pressure.

The FDH was summoned, their ambulance service being used to transport the critically injured man to HGH. The severity of the situation has shocked the community, with many questioning how an incident over a rabbit could lead to such drastic consequences. Police are set to charge the husband with possession of a dangerous weapon and obstructing justice.

Some witnesses however have expressed concern that the police may have overreacted, while others have defended the officers’ actions, saying that the man’s behaviour posed a potential threat to public safety (No shit sometimes – Ed).

Those who believe the police overreacted argue that the man was harmless and that his behaviour did not warrant arrest. They point out that the man was not engaging in any violent or disruptive behaviour and that he was simply expressing himself in an unusual way. Others, however, maintain that the police were justified in detaining the man, arguing that his behaviour was unpredictable and could have escalated into something more serious.

The incident has sparked a wider debate about the appropriate response by law enforcement to individuals with mental illness.

Charlie Bundy Heading to HGH

Some argue that police officers are not equipped to deal with these situations and that mental health professionals should be called in to intervene, although with budgets in Hathian as they are, God knows who that would be (and see our recent HGH story for why that could be a problem). Others believe that police officers have a duty to protect the public from harm, regardless of if that threat comes from someone with a mental illness.

The investigation into the rabbit theft and the circumstances surrounding the husband’s actions continues.

Update: 14:00pm – Ransom Note

Our editor writes:

We recently obtained via a contact the following ransom note that has been delivered to HPD.

Does anyone feel this is Pizza Gate all over? We’re not entirely sure the bunny was alive (decoration right?) and therefore whether it’s a fair trade for Charlie seems… unlikely? Live prisoner vs. bunny prop.

The Observer has reached out to HPD for comment:

HPD: “A ransom note was delivered to Lizette. Along with an ear broken from the bunny. This whole saga is taking a sinister turn and at present there’s no comment on whether HPD will trade an inmate for a bunny rabbit.”

Well. At least it’s not one of the TWO murders we’ve heard about today…

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