By Girl Behind the Lens – Daiyu Tang
Community BBQ – it started like any other party
Our reporter Joanne Steel, myself, Girl Behind the Lens and our masked colleague who I’ve got to call ‘Bruce’, came to the Community BBQ to see what was going down. We had been told that the event was sponsored by a range of businesses in Hathian and this was apparent from the range of advertising hoarding around the compound, we saw the Grind, Spankys, Radar Records, the Slab and other businesses all setup around the place. The venue was setup well with a bar, drinks and a range of activities including one giant pink rodeo machine.
With the smell of food floating through the air our reporting team, with only a little trepidation, took a walk around and spoke with and photographed the community who had come to the event. Among the attendees was the well known singer, Ryder who appeared in a wheelchair with some fairly recent injuries. Sources say (and a notice on the Columtreal student group confirms) that he was injured during a performance at the University fresher week. I caught up with him briefly and asked him for a quick quote about the BBQ.
Ryder: “I’m happy to be apart of an event dat brings da community together & promote da local businesses. Even in a town full of chaos it’s important to focus on da good in Hathian instead of wallowing in da negative.”
So, it was actually shaping up to be quite a nice event. The conversation was loud and the music from respected DJ Vicus Volkoff was really banging. He was mixing a range of musical styles, although later it became darker and I’m sure I heard lines from popular horror films such as ‘the Evil Dead’ or ‘The Shining’ blare out as things started to go down-hill. Well, one can’t accuse him of not reading the room as we’ll see later.
Nuku sets out a bet
While I was getting everything ready, it was hard not to miss the giant pink monstrosity setup as some kind of mechanical bull. It seemed that no one really wanted to ride a pink dick, but eventually with the encouragement of some of the community, there was a taker.
Nuku: “No mechanical dick riding for me! Who ever gets the best time on the mechanical dick thing wins like 100 bucks and a week of burritos from the clam!”
Prudence: “SOMEONE RIDE THE BIG DICK”
Nuku: “BE PATIENT I THINK NYX IS GONNA RIDE IT LIKE A WILD LATINA RIDES A BIG DICK!”
Prudence: “NYX RIDE THE BIG DICK YOU SLUT! DO IT!!!”
Onyx: “By the time this jar is empty, I will ride that dick. Those burritos are mine.”
‘Murder at the Mardi Gras’ Lady in Red & Blue: “Heck yeah! Rid that schlongenhopper! She’s gonna ride the dick bull thing!”
It appeared that the woman in red and blue above, who I was pretty sure was involved in the murder at the Mardi Gras had a fancy for Onyx… We can only hope right?
And, readers… I would have no doubt that she would ride the dick. You can imagine that I hoped she would fall on her ass quickly, but actually and surprisingly Onyx managed to cling on for a while. Would it be insightful to say that she probably had significant experience?
Creevy has a reputation
As I explored the venue, I overheard some of the conversations. While it was obvious there were a range of factions represented there, it was clear that there was a heavy presence of the King Street Gang, who as most of you will know are led by Camden Fabers. More on him later, but for now as I drifted around the event with my camera, I was mostly ignored so picked-up on some interesting conversations, some of which are reproduced below. What should I have expected, chat about last week’s Netflix series… of course not…
Unknown woman: “Well I don’t know who Creevy is and I’d like not to meet his dick unless he’s actually good with it. Sometimes the skill makes up for the pain. Yanno”
Identify Protected: “Truth be told, I have no idea if he’s actually good with it or not. He seems to think he’s Gods gift, however.. Creevy and the magical cock-sauce“
So, ladies & gents, there’s a tip for you. Anyone got any photos of this so called ‘monster’, if so, send them to Joanne Steel at the Observer! (Sorry Joanne… heh)
A Corpse Bride & Camden’s Angels
So, now we turn to the main surprise, represented by the headline photo. In the view of your reporters it went something like this:
A man, who had been skulking around in a hooded sweatshirt, later identified as Cade Morgan was encouraged by the leader of the King Street to go and open a large green box, wrapped in gold ribbon that was in the garage. Although it appeared that he was trying to keep a low profile, Camden through a little trick managed to get Cade to speak which seemed to confirm the tall man’s suspicions and led to the chain of events kicking-off.
Cade wandered over to the box and started to prod and poke it while Camden looked on with an expansive smile. That was the smile of someone in control and also a predator. Your reporter was worried that Cade was going to get blown up or something…
This wasn’t what happened through. As Cade unwrapped the box, his face fell and he trembled. Inside he must have been shocked to see the almost skeletal woman wearing a wedding dress. Camden walked over and said something to him and whatever it was must have sent Cade into a rage as he picked up a bottle and threw it at Camden’s departing back, it missed and I held my breath, would Cade shoot, or fight, or would he do something else?
He did something else, picking up the woman in his arms he started to leave. She couldn’t have weighed more than 45kg or so. Meanwhile Camden was standing with a group of women smiling, smirking even. What had he done and what was going on? Around Cade shit started to go down, the red and blue girl, the murderer, started to chase after him shouting..
‘Murder at the Mardi Gras’ Lady in Red & Blue: “Newly married! Awww it’s so heckin cute! Enjoy the honeymoon, Mr Depp! Don’t listen to what Tim Burton says! He’s a cripple!”
Another woman ran to help Cade, shouting for someone called Xena to call 911, but Cade was determined and kept walking. Camden shouted after him:
Camden: “Not sure why you’re bringing your weird fetishes to a community barbeque, Cade…but take it on home hmm? If you wanna date the Mayor, that’s your thing. But this is a bit much. Think of the community.”
Cade: “Fuck off Camden!”
At this point, I was really confused. Camden scares me, he even had shot at me a long time ago… so when he addressed me I listened…
Camden: “Well that was fucking weird. You see that shit? Cop plants a freaking corpse at a community event. Can you report that? That seems…fucked up. Cade Morgan needs therapy.”
I just nodded, I’d find out more later, but for now it appeared that either Cade was a murderer… or something related to our Mayor was going on, or perhaps it was and this to be honest considering the location and the knowing smiles seemed more likely, some kind of revenge from Camden against this man Cade.
Who was the corpse bride and what was going to happen? We at the Observer will try and keep you informed… But it’s hard, so do send us tips as usual.
Cade Morgan Responds
Over the next few days as I wrote up this article I tried to follow-up with the haunted looking man. While we never seemed to cross paths and despite HPD’s ‘media relations team’ being shit as usual, we did eventually connect over Twitter.
Reader, I have to say that unless what he showed me was a very high end fake, that the evidence he presented which included a marriage certificate, wedding photo and some further identifying evidence was convincing.
It therefore, reader, appears to be the case that Camden wasn’t accurate with his statement, which begs the question who did this and realistically all roads lead back to Camden, or at least people connected to him. What did Cade do to deserve this, what did his wife do? There’s never any clean-sheets between the HPD and the Gangs, but this is a level of awfulness… she’s been gone for so long and came out… reader, almost dead. Fuck… we’ll try and follow this story the best we can and I would like to apologise for Cade for doubting him, at least over who the woman was. I hope she gets the help she needs to recover and I hope we can all take a step back and ask, is this kind of shit really needed? Hathian… you’re wrecking yourself…
Obviously, the above was the main news and your reporters left PDQ as this weird turn of events went down. Never-the-less and with apologies to the range of other stories that were likely going on, they were over-shadowed by the release of the Corpse Bride. The Observer team when back at the office and after putting out a call for tips and hints about the identities of those involved, reviewed their cameras and notes. We had taken some other good pictures, so without further ado, here is a selection of the event photos.
We hope you all got safely home and had a good BBQ, despite the unexpected twists and turns. Well done to the wider Community for hosting something like this without, (at least as far as we were there) actual violence.