14 mins read

(the following is a video posted on the Observer website of a contestant interview for the upcoming Hathian Bachelor reality show)


David tucked his phone under his leg as he watched Ana wheel up and nearly wreck a very expensive light. He was a little confused but this was happening and he was going to have to do something. The producer gave a little nod to signal they were rolling tape, Ana would quickly have a Mic placed on her and they were ready. David eyed the woman and tilted his head a little. “And you look like a whore.” he would bark back. The producer cleared their throat and pointed to the camera. David’s glassy eyes slowly moved over to it and a dopey smile would follow. “OHeyyyyyy.” He would say in a high, Obviously drugged voice. “I am David Pinkerson and you are watching part seventeen of the Bachelor thing.” h barely knew what day it was and where he was, Let alone what he was doing. “Today we have someone who is here.” he slowly looked at her. “Hello someone. You are here.” He looked back at the camera and smiled weakly. His blood stained face in focus.

Ana perks a brow at David’s retort as the mic is placed on her.  “Ana.” she says as he introduces her.  She shakes her head and rolls her eyes.  “Well, I had rooted for you last night….looks like Weaver won.  I’ll root for him next time.”  She shrugs and settles back in her chair comfortably.   Her gaze flickers to the bags hanging from the IV drip.   “Pain meds?” she asks, tilting her head.  She’s taken her own pain meds and will settle down a little as they begin to work.  She doesn’t turn to face the camera, figuring they’ll move where they need to or instruct her to move or something.   She’s never been on TV before.  “You need a script or anything?  Sure you can do this?”  she asks him, still giving him that look of disbelief, head still tilting to the side.  “I mean…”  she mumbles, shrugging some.

David stared at Ana. Then the camera. And then to Ana again. “Ana. Thats right.” The producers and camera crew all took a collective deep breath and sighed. If the show wasn’t starting so soon they would have tried to postpone, Or find a new host. Anything but this. David had a drip of pain meds that he controlled with a little button. A little button that he quite enjoyed pressing. “And I will too.” he said with a Nod. he made no sense but he was confident. “So.. Ana.. Thank you for joining me in the pear tree. How is the partridge? I hear he is swell. What made you decide to come on the show?” he would ask as the producers tried to guide him a little. “Oh yes I am fine.” he would eventually reply to the camera. The camera crew would be set up in multiple angles. So Ana wouldn’t have to move to be seen on camera.

​Ana just watches David for a moment while he fumbles around, all the while appearing quite confident.  “What…” she asks, confused by the pear tree comment.  Delicate brows dip over those emerald pools, smoothing out when he asks about why she joined the show.  There’s a brief glance to the camera man who’s trying to guide David in the right direction.  “Oh, well, I thought it would be an experience…..” she says, smiling at David and half to the camera.  “I mean, I’ll get to meet new people at the very least, right?  At best, I’ll win the bachelor’s heart and he’ll win mine.”   She tries to sound confident and light, though she’s a little nervous and fairly certain that the senior Weaver is about as likely to like her as the junior Weaver.  Slender fingers pick at the material of her shorts idly, the only true outward sign of her nervousness.

David’s eyes closed and his head started to hang low before a producer threw a pencil at him and he jolted awake. A little drool seeped from the corner of his mouth. “Oh good good.” He would say with a slight confused look on his face. David looked over at Ana and blinked a couple times. “Can I help you?” he would ask as if he had no idea who she was until he looked at the camera and clued in. “Oh right. Anabelle.. So… What is it like, The normal day for you? Tell those at home a little about yourself. Hobbies? Goals? What kind of cheese is your favorite?” David tilted his head a little as he looked at her. His eyes wide and glazed. He was actively fighting to make sure he didn’t fall asleep again and it would show in a weird outward struggle as he mumbled to himself.

Ana sucks in a breath and gives him the look of a very patient parent with a difficult child.  Her fingers curl against the shorts, bunching the material against her palms briefly.  “Ana.” she corrects him simply, her tone firm and far from amused.  Emerald hues narrow slightly, watching him for a moment before she continues, making sure to keep her voice light and pleasant.  “A typical day?  Oh, well, I have pets that I care for.  I suppose that could be a hobby too.”  She pauses a moment, looking at him.  “I’ve recently taken up photography, but I’m not terribly good at it yet.  I don’t mind though, it helps relieve stress.”  She turns at the sound of the tray clattering to the ground, brows knitting just a little.  “Goals…I would like to win flare bar tending competitions again.   So when my legs get better, a typical day will be working in the bar and practicing with that.  Well, and doing my other jobs too.  I practice some while in the chair, but the moves are much more difficult to do…”  She​ smirks lightly.  “Favorite cheese…would have to be Gorgonzola….or feta….especially melting on top of a steak.”  She gives him an odd look with the question of her favorite cheese, but answers anyway.

David gave a nod. “Well thank you Anastasia! I love cheese too. And i like animals. I have a llama. His name is Killer and he lives in my barn. You broke your legs too? How did you do that? I bet the viewers at home would love to hear that story.” David looked at the camera with a doped up grin as he reached over to his little button and clicked it, sending another dose of the magic drug to get put into his I.V. “Tell us too, What are you looking forward most about this experience. Have you met any of the girls?” David blinked a couple times and started to stare off into space for what seemed like several minutes before finally looking back at Ana.

​Ana just stares at David for a moment, eyes narrowed as he calls her, again, by the wrong name.  “Ana.  Just Ana.  It isn’t that difficult, I promise.”  The words are half growled out, her lip curling in a snarl.  He stares at the camera and she seems to remember the cameras are there too, her expression smoothing out to something close to neutral.  Once again, her fingers curl against her shorts, bunching the silk against her palms.  She tenses a little when he mentions her legs and asks about them, wanting her to tell the story.  “I didn’t break them.” she states evenly, sucking in a little breath.  “I got on the wrong end of a cop with a bad attitude, so he broke my knees.”  Her eyes narrow again slightly before she shrugs it off.  She doesn’t seem to be inclined to say anything more than that on the subject, falling quiet for a moment as David asks about the rest of it.  “Well, just the experience itself, as a whole, I guess.   Getting to know him, the girls…”  She lifts her shoulders a little bit and actually manages a smile.  “I haven’t met any of the girls yet….but now that I’m getting out more, maybe I will.” she says, flashing David a smile that seems genuine.

​David was humming to himself, barely paying attention and then she stopped talking. “Oh.. That sounds lovely.” he ran a hand though his uncombed hair and smiled into the camera. “Well I think you have gotten everything we needed. You will be seeing Ana-Maria here and the rest of the thirsty bitches soon. Except Ren. She isn’t thirsty. She’s my favorite.” David would give a matter of fact nod to the camera before smiling sweetly at Ana. “Thank you for joining us here in this lovely studio. You have been a true pleasure.” he gave her a sincere smile back and then looked into the camera. “Goodnight. And remember…..” And that was it. David didn’t have anything else to say. He would just stare vacantly into the camera before they yelled cut.

​Ana is clearly struggling with the desire to jam something into him, like a needle or a something.  “Ana. Christ on a stick, David, it’s not that hard…” she says to him, balling up her hands.  It’s fortunate for him that there really isn’t anything in close proximity that’s easy for her to grab and throw at him or stab him with and she can see Grim’s face in her mind’s eye, frowning at her.  She doesn’t like it when he looks stern.  She grumps a little and gives David a look.  “Yeah…fine…” she mutters as he continues on about Ana and the others being thirsty, that is except for Ren.  Whatever.  She shakes her head a bit and sighs.  “Are we done” she asks, looking to one of the camera crew.  She’s clearly annoyed with having to have come here for this sham of an interview.

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