Letter to The Editor

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Dear Ms. Biggley,

 

I must admit it was a mix of shock, horror and oddly enough amusement I felt as I was shown the latest copy of the rag you affectionately refer to a newspaper.

 

I’d be inclined to think that it was a slow news day, if not for the article on the incident at the hospital in the very same issue. This leaves me with only one conclusion to draw, which is that you are pursuing some incredibly odd personal vendetta. Why else would someone doctor some perfectly innocent photographs and create such a preposterous story around them? If nothing else, I must applaud your skills with Photoshop!

 

I would dearly love to hear more about these absurd allegations of providing garrotes to local gangs? The mind boggles!

 

Seeing as I personally am not the sort of fellow to follow the kind of petty and vindictive impulses which I must assume inspired your diatribe, I will look forward to the retraction you will publish with a quiet dignity that you might benefit from introducing into your own life.<span> </span>

 

Failing that, I will be pursuing legal action upon your employer, The Hathian Observer.

 

Yours,

Brian Reifsnider

Assistant District Attorney

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Dear Mr. Reifsnider,

 

It is with some regret that I reply to your grievances publically. Seeing that you wished your letter to be published in the Hathian Observer, the newspaper feels obliged to respond in kind.

 

The journalist in question, Aria Biggley has had an impeccable record when following up stories and to date has been forced to retract only one; a retraction that was carried out under some coercion.

 

In response to your concerns, the newspaper would like to clarify the following points.

 

1.   Photographs used in the article “Make Love not War” dated 1st January 2009 were only doctored using a colored scaling effect. No additional effects were used and no elements of the photograph were removed or added.<!–[endif]–>

2.   <!–[if !supportLists]–>Photographs intended for the aforementioned article were of such a quantity, the newspaper felt it necessary to create a montage effect.<!–[endif]–>

3.   <!–[if !supportLists]–>Photographs used in the article were carefully selected to be as tasteful as they could be, given their potentially pornographic nature.

4.   <!–[if !supportLists]–>The allegation regarding ‘providing garrotes for the local criminal fraternity’ was actually made by the barmaid in the Titty Twister and as such, the newspaper insists you take up libel action against herself, Ms. Bluebell Noel. It was clearly stated in the article that these were her words and not those of reporter, Aria Biggley.

 

Following these clarifications, the Hathian Observer would like to make it perfectly clear that no retraction of the article nor of anything stated within in will be taking place. Ms. Biggley has the newspaper’s fullest backing.

 

We look forward to hearing from your legal representative in the near future.

 

Best wishes,

The Editor

The Hathian Observer

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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