By: Venus Mari Zapedzki
What is promised to be the first annual ‘ARE YOU HOTTER THAN 90’S PAM ANDERSON BEAUTY CONTEST ‘was held in the strip mall in Hathian at the end of August. The contest was hosted by the Nightmen and sponsored by Curl up & Dye and attracted a large number of onlookers. Musical accompaniment was provided by a boom box.
Also present was a huge model giraffe on giant roller skates.
Six women entered the contest, though not all of them under their given names. They were named in the contest as Jodie, Karigan Hopper, Busty McAsserson, Aphrodite Karras, Baby Dahlia and Peaches. They went through five rounds – Introductions, Swimsuit, Playboy, Classic Outfit and Talent Show – and the results were decided by a vote of the audience.
The vote ended in a tie between Peaches, who came dressed as a clown, and the more orthodox Busty McAsserson. The MC, Wilbur Fitzgerald, gave his casting vote to Peaches because, he explained, “she’s cooler!”.
All in all a very strange event in the strange city of Hathian, but at least one where beauty (of sorts) triumphed over violence.
