Welcome back, Hathian dwellers, to another twisted week under the watchful gaze of the cosmos. The skies are whispering, and the streets are listening. The town’s cops are as crooked as ever, the asylum’s doors are suspiciously ajar, and there’s a strange energy brewing that even the bayou can’t swallow. Buckle up for a horoscope that’s as shady as the deals going down at the back of the dive bar. Proceed with caution—no one gets out of Hathian unscathed.
By: Estival
Aries (March 21 – April 19):
Your usual headstrong nature could land you in more trouble than usual this week. The cops have got itchy trigger fingers, and you’ve got a big mouth. Not a great combo. Maybe hold back on calling out that officer who’s been harassing folks at Lou’s Bar. Instead, save your rage for the gym—those weights won’t arrest you for loitering.
Taurus (April 20 – May 20):
Your love for comfort is about to be seriously tested. Your favorite hangouts are crawling with people who are out to get you, and even the asylum’s cafeteria food might look good compared to what’s on the menu at the diner. Lay low and stick to your inner circle; betrayal is thicker than the fog over Hathian this week.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20):
You’re known for having two sides, and this week, both of them are likely to get you into hot water. Gossip is spreading faster than a virus, and you’re at the center of it. Keep your stories straight, or you might find yourself in the back of a squad car, explaining why you were just “passing through” the crime scene.
Cancer (June 21 – July 22):
Your nurturing side is drawing all the wrong kinds of attention. Those you try to help might just drag you down with them, especially if they’ve got connections. People are looking for a scapegoat, and your name’s at the top of the list. Practice some self-care—lock your doors, pull the shades, and pretend you’re not home.
Leo (July 23 – August 22):
You love the spotlight, but this week, it’s more like a searchlight. Someone has got a bone to pick, and they know you’re a big fish in this small, filthy pond. Someone might try to set you up as a distraction. If you see a camera crew around, do yourself a favor and duck. Not all attention is good attention, Leo.
Virgo (August 23 – September 22):
Your methodical approach might keep you one step ahead of the law, but it won’t help you with the lunatics at the asylum. The inmates are getting restless, and your name has been scribbled on a few too many walls. Use your wits to navigate the madness; logic is your best defense against a world gone wild.
Libra (September 23 – October 22):
Balance is key, but Hathian doesn’t do balance, Libra. You’re torn between helping out a friend in need and protecting your skin. The cops are turning a blind eye to justice, and alliances are shifting faster than you can keep up. Choose your battles wisely, and remember, not every fight is worth the scars.
Scorpio (October 23 – November 21):
Your dark and mysterious nature is working overtime. Predators can smell fear, and they’re hunting in packs. But you’ve got a secret or two that could turn the tables. Be careful where you dig—sometimes the bodies aren’t buried as deep as you think. Your intuition is your greatest weapon; use it to navigate the shadows.
Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21):
Your restless spirit is looking for a way out, but every exit seems to lead back into the maze. The cops are cracking down on anything that moves, and the asylum’s gates are messy. Keep your head down and your bags packed; a sudden getaway might be your best bet to avoid becoming this week’s headline.
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19):
You’re the backbone of your social circle, but this week, you’re feeling more like the doormat. Conniving neighbors are testing your patience. Stand your ground, but don’t be afraid to cut ties with those who are sinking faster than a body in the swamp. The asylum might have room for more, but your sanity doesn’t.
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18):
You’ve always had a thing for the unconventional, but the town’s energy is giving off more “paranoid delusions” than “quirky charm.” Watch out for those in power; they’re looking to make an example of someone, and your rebellious streak makes you a prime candidate. Stick to the fringes and avoid the spotlight—this isn’t the week for civil disobedience.
Pisces (February 19 – March 20):
Dreamy and sensitive, you’re picking up on every bad vibe the town has to offer. Even the safest places feel haunted. Trust your gut and steer clear of trouble. If the cops come knocking, pretend you’re asleep—or better yet, that you’ve lost your mind. In Hathian, crazy is the only sane option.
Until next time, Hathianites. May the stars guide you—but keep one eye on the shadows and the other on the rearview mirror.
