By WHY VERDANDI
Staff writer
A team of scientists from Stanford University is currently in Hathian to conduct research. Though the team lead, Dr. Stubbins Girth, declined to comment on the subject of the research, rumor has it that these boffins are here to study a topic that has perplexed the women of Hathian for decades: Why do the men in this geographical area tend to have an average penis length of nine inches or more?
One scientist, who asked to remain anonymous, stated that researchers are interested in knowing if this larger than average penis size amongst the men in Hathian is a naturally occurring phenomenon, or if there is some causation in the environment. However, some women in the city scoff at the notion that the males in the area are packing a large picnic basket.
“Yeah, no. I went out with one man who said he had ten inches. We got back to my place, and I found out it was probably closer to four,” said Jane, a student at Columtreal University who asked that her last name be omitted to ensure her privacy. A nurse at Hathian General Hospital, who asked not to be named out of fear of retaliation from men, stated, “Well, personally I think they are using faulty rulers! I mean, the last nine inch penis I saw here was, yeah, never! I think it has something to do with steroids or being mommas’ boys, but honestly my toy is more fun and much bigger!”
David Veale, a psychiatrist at the South London and Maudsley NHS Foundation Trust, said the average erect penis is 5.16 inches long. An erect penis measuring 6.3 inches falls into the 95th percentile. That means, out of 100 men, only five would have a penis larger than 6.3 inches. A penis that measures nine inches would fall into the 99th percentile, meaning that less than one percent of men are packing nine inches.
The odds that one percent of men packing pythons in their pants all reside in Hathian? Slim to none.
