Curing the Thirst, Part One.

An Observer guest columnist contributes his view on how he brings satisfaction to the women of Columtreal and Hathian.

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A picture of Roman holding a football in front of his toned nude body

by Roman Caldwell

Back in high school during sex-ed, the teacher asked where the clitoris was located, and I boldly stood up in front of the entire class, and correctly answered “Who cares!?!“, and still got an A+ as I slipped her the D in the teachers lounge later that afternoon.

When I project my ‘Big Dick Energy‘ while walking the streets of Hathian, it’s like being in the ‘Thriller’ music video by Michael Jackson and instead of brain eating fiends crawling out of the woodwork to form a dance troupe behind me, its a bunch of thirsty women wanting to get with me, just like that teacher from high school. It’s like my dad always told me “Son, it doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong, as long as you got a big black schlong” Or well… he technically used the word ‘dick’, but that doesn’t rhyme.

Within 24 hours of arriving at Columtreal University, I had already nailed of 2 horny women, or engaging in ‘Community Service’ as I like to call it. And if you’re a lonely guy raging on online incel forums, wondering what exactly I did, well the answer is quite simple… Cancel your Pornhub subscription, and get out there ignoring as many women as you can, they will suck you off for it.

Sarah, or patient zero as I call her was my first, a young athletic shaped volleyball player, displaying obvious symptoms of hypersexual disorder. Also a bit of a psycho in fact, but I loved getting her to cheat on her cuck of a boyfriend at her place. We had two consultations in as many days before she was cured.

Max‘… both her name and the level of sexual thirst she possessed. Man, what an encounter that was. A bit on the older side, at least over the age of 25, and I did wonder if I was going to find a thong, or an adult diaper when she dropped her pants for me in the bathroom of the twister. Fuck Cupid, Tinder is where it’s at, and she left that bathroom like she had just been baptized, feeling 10 years younger.

Speaking of Tinder, I later hooked up with a girl called Noah, and she took me back to her Arc where we had 2 rounds in every position. Oh boy, this white girl has the perfect body, thick and juicy like a real babymama from the hood. If there was any girl I’d like to not be able to cure, it would be her, as I’d die a happy man trying. Like Sarah, Noah also has some kind of cuck boyfriend unable to move like Jagger.

As many of our perceptive readers here at the Observer have figured out by now, I clearly know exactly where the clitoris is located on the female body, something HPD Detective Naka-something, can attest to when I ate her on a kitchen table at a Sorority party last weekend. What a bombshell of a thirsty public servant she is, even had her in the pool at CU swim tryouts earlier that day. Swimsuits should be the new official summer police uniform, trust me on that.

I can promise you all though that it is not without its consequences, this hectic lovelife; making Hathian great again for a young stud like me.

I have needed some down time over the last week or so, but I have finally regained my stamina and am ready for round 2. If you are a thirsty woman sitting out there, wanting to be cured, you can as always find me on Tinder or ignoring you in the streets…

Stay tuned for Part two…

The views in this article are not those of the Observer’s editorial team or management and were submitted as part of our Citizen engagement strategy. If you fancy writing an article, please contact a reporter at our offices!

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