Secret Santa – More like Secret Psychopath!

All that glitters is not gold! It can be novelty dildos... itching powder or bombs... This Secret Santa is a Secret Pyschopath!

16 mins read
A present outside the Hot Dog carriage
This one had puppies in it... The next one could have another bomb. Be Safe Hathian!

by Girl Behind the Lens – Daiyu Tang

Hathian gets it own ‘Joker’

Readers, GBTL here and I’m actually slightly angry. In the last few weeks I’ve been telling you about Brandie’s Christmas Market and Maxine’s toy drive… these are lovely events or things for the community where citizens are giving back in the spirit of the Holidays. Look at Brandie for example, I know her gang background yet she was at pains to point out her Christmas Market was her own gift to the town, nothing to do with the Koga. Gifts before Gangs and all that…

So trust someone (or more than one someone) in Hathian to start spoiling it! That’s right, I’m sure you’ve all heard the Christmas Jingle that WKRD are playing (and how many pipe bombs does it take until they disclaim further advertising money?) around a Secret Santa, a ‘Christmas Millionaire’ giving away gifts with the lure of Xboxes, money and the like. Well let me tell you… these presents can be literal dynamite, so bear with me as I dig a little and provide some warning to Hathian citizens. Not all that glitters is gold!

The background

Ok, so let’s start with what I know about what has been going on. Like many of you I thought that from early December we had a new benefactor in town, like Max or Brandie. There were gifts being left around and I hadn’t heard anything bad… I even raced to one myself and while getting showered in novelty condoms and santa shaped dildos wasn’t quite my idea of what a Millionaire should be giving out, it was never-the-less funny. Especially when Zofia managed to have one purple Santa land in her mouth (that girl will always be in the right place for something like that!).

So then the bad started… It’s December 13th today and as at this point I’ve been made aware of two explosions linked to presents, numerous people complaining of itchy clothing gifts and then a number of litters of sick puppies. Let me just make the obvious statement, the person organising this is a sick puppy considering what they are doing.

This is where Hathian is on the 13th, Officers injured, shops bombed and citizens awash with sex toys and itchy jumpers. It’s not a great picture is it Hathian?

So how did this start?

The Job Advert

So, I was made aware by an anonymous tipster to the Observer offices that this whole thing started before December. In fact people were being recruited to form part of this in November. That is when a job ad appeared. This ad, that my research indicates started on the Dark Web then came out to more normal websites like Indeed and LinkedIn. I understand that if you applied you would be sent a costume, a bell and some kind of cell phone in order to get instructions. I don’t know the going rate for the job, but in Hathian even $50 or $100 a day would be enough to get people out and about. The purpose of the job? It appears to be to shout about the presents, advertise the Millionaire and generally support what is going on. Readers, as you look below, are you ok with that? People are getting injured!

So, some of you may have these costumes and be getting paid, if you are, come reach out to GBTL at the Observer and help us identify who this so-called Millionaire is and stop them from potentially hurting your friends or even children! The bombing at the comic store… it’s not just people with anime addictions who might be there!

The Radio Jingle and present locations

By now, you’ve all heard it… It starts something like this:

Radio Ad: “Season’s Greetings and Merry Christmas! Have you seen the Secret Santa around town?! He’s a millionaire and he’s giving back to the community! The Secret Santa’s Holiday Helpers will hide one large wrapped gift somewhere in downtown Hathian, From Dec 1 to Dec 22, between 8am SLT and 12pm SLT every day. If you’re the first one to find it, you get to keep whatever is inside, FREE! Will there be cash? Food? A new XBOX? That kidney transplant you desperately need? Insulin? A puppy?! You’ll have to search for each day’s hidden gift to find out! Spread the word! Secret Santa is coming to Hathian!

Sometimes someone calls into the radio and gives a hint where the present might be located. Based on our research we’ve so far identified presents at the following locations:

  • December 1st: The Diner…
  • December 2nd: The Hathian Movie Theatre (This is where I and Zofia found the dildos!)
  • December 3rd: The Clam convenience store
  • December 4th: The Hathian Graveyard
  • December 5th: Inside the Parking Garage
  • December 6th: The Cannery down near the beach
  • December 7th: Outside the Slab butchery
  • December 8th: Lou’s bar/pub
  • December 9th: The Comic Store (This is where Sam called in the bomb – see below!)
  • December 10th: The pawn shop (This is where Sam’s business got attacked – see below!)
  • December 11th: The Vudu Shop
  • December 12th: Down under the bridge near the Hot Dog train carriage

Where will it be today, where will it be tomorrow? If it keeps happening, will they get more dangerous? More valuable (yes some readers informed us they got some value out of the presents) or will there be more sick animals?

Current Damage

For this section, I’ll ignore the itchy clothes, dildos and other minor things. We’ve had some reports that there has been good stuff inside a few of the parcels, but would urge readers strongly, don’t risk it, call HPD. So so far, as at the 13th December it’s bombing and puppies that seem to be the worst, let’s look at those below for a moment:

Puppies: Starting with the puppies… who leaves litters of puppies abandoned in gift wrapped boxes? These animals also appear to have Parvo, a serious disease and one that requires expensive and immediate treatment. Both Liz and Em below have homed some, and I’ve also seen Ryder and others talk about doing this, well doing Hathian for not letting someone abandon these cuties!

Officer Lizette Zero, attended a package on the 12th in her protective gear and this time got puppies, rather than an explosion.
Em Bundy with another of the cute, but ill puppies.

Bombing: So far we’ve heard of damage at both the Comic Store (which injured officer Lizette Zero) and at the Pawn shop. In the image below, Sam the manager of the Pawn shop, who also as we understand it called in the package to HPD at the Comic Store tells our reporter that he is ok and that he’s just glad civilians haven’t been hurt.

Sam outside the boarded up Pawn Shop

We received a transcript of the 911 call that Sam placed when he discovered the Comic Store package:

HPD Dispatch: “Bunny’s gifts and… I mean Hathian Emergency services, how may I direct your call?”

Sam: “Yeah hey, hey uh…I opened one of them secret Santa gifts at Comiquities and it looks like a fuckin pipe bomb I swear to God and it’s got a clock on it that’s ticking! It’s gonna fuckin blow up the comic book store! I was afraid to touch it so I left it in there.”

Dispatch: “Wait… so a bomb at the comic book place? GET OUT, GET AWAY FROM IT… RUN, RUN RUN…”

Sam: “Well…I mean I’m outside. It’s in the store. You don’t want me to wait for the cops? So do you got like a bomb squad or something?”

Dispatch: “I mean, if it blows, it’s gonna blow and you’re gonna be right there… Bomb squad… bomb… B…. no, no bomb squad… Just stay safe, sir… er ma’am… sir?”

Sam: “Sir, it’s sir!” Do I sound like a ma’am? Ok uh. I’ll back up more then. So if you don’t got a bomb squad maybe call the fire department to put it out, you know? They can get a jump on it.”

Dispatch: “I am only trying to be all inclusive and politically correct, I am not supposed to assume anything Sir. I’ve alerted all departments who need to be alerted, sir. SIR. Sir.”

((All around the downtown, there’s a sound of a resounding explosion. The NPC workers at the gas station start shutting off pumps as the Comiquities shop windows shatter and much of the inventory inside is a wash as a poorly made pipe bomb detonates inside the store. The explosive sounds and shattering windows and flying inventory is likely heard half way across town.))

– Crack Den Citizens Channel

Officer Lizette was injured in this explosion.

What next for Hathian?

An anonymous tip

I then received an anonymous tip as I was investigating this chain of events…

Tipster:Actually if you want to know who’s behind it, it’s the guy that’s drowning in debt over drugs. Why do you think the Pawn Shop suddenly blew up? Insurance money. Sam’s behind it all. He was at the comic shop and called in the bomb too…strange! He’s a crazed junkie. Look at his hands. He had his thumbs smashed. For not paying on time. He’s desperate! Just ask him. He’s a terrible liar!”

Normally anonymous tips, especially those that are directed at an individual need to be treated with a lot of care. However with some specific information there I went to have a chat with Sam to see if he had anything to say…

GBTL Daiyu Tang: “Don’t take this the wrong way, but if I was to check CCTV or with people in general whether you had been going around ringing bells recently, would I find that you had new part time work?”

Sam:Ringing bells? Wha…? No I don’t go no part time work, I got my hands full with the shop here. I mean I could use the extra money, but I spend like 60 hours a week here”

Daiyu: “I mean, I was told that maybe you’d responded to an ad for part-time work. You know, ring a bell, talk to people about all these presents that are lying around, even the ones that have been explosive… An anonymous tipsters, said it was you, said you had some drug debts… Look I don’t like people trying to character assassinate anyone, but if you did sign up to that job, you might want not to do it anyone now you’ve seen what can happen.”

Sam: “I didn’t sign up for no gig, maybe I owe somebody money, but I ain’t involved with the presents except I opened some. Who the fuck told you I did?”

I continued the interview with him and while it did appear that perhaps the tipster was right about Sam and some debts, I didn’t think he was capable of blowing up two stores, one of which was his own. I mean, imagine if Brandie found out… That wouldn’t be worth any money. So for now I’ll park this tip as ‘malicious’. I’d like to draw any HPD readers to that as I understand that you may also have Sam in your sights… he doesn’t fit what I’ve read and seen, so I think you’re barking up the wrong tree there.


Well reader, thanks for bearing with me… I hope you’re now educated about the danger of these presents and aware that if you see people out there trying to get you excited, they may be being paid by this anonymous dark web ‘millionaire’. Although I’ve not found this person yet, I and the Observer will continue to dig to try and bring them to light for whatever justice comes next. May I close by wishing you all a Happy Holidays and a reminder, enjoy what Brandie and Max have created, don’t use the holidays as an excuse for an orgy of violence of hate… and if you are one of these present helpers? Come see me and chat, I expect I can make it worth your while more than whatever you’re being paid.

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