GBTL x Det. Landon Fyre – “I’m Mister Hathian and I’m Banning Meat in This City”

20 mins read
Landon in Riot Gear

by Girl Behind the Lens – Daiyu Tang
Location: CU Football Field

Readers… God help me, but it’s another session with Detective (very keen he was to stress that) Landon Fyre. I don’t quite know what possessed me not to block Landon from my phone, but on the basis that getting HPD to talk to a Reporter is pretty-damn-difficult and since the Detective features heavily in many of the arrests, raids and confrontations in Hathian then it’s fair to give him a platform, although this time I promised myself as I headed over to the University playing fields to meet him, that I would not allow him to go completely unchallenged. My last article with him had resulted in complaints that the Observer had endorsed openly racist views without adequate challenge, so this time, I was prepared… or so I had thought.

Background: the HPD Raid on a Jackals Party Hosted at CU

Some readers, in particular those who consume that dangerous cesspit of Twitter will be aware that on Saturday June 4th, a party was scheduled by the University on the playing fields. This had in turn been extended earlier with what appeared to be a pre-party, associated with or at least endorsed by the Scavengers. Whether it was a recruiting drive, the fact they just wanted to get hammered (although perhaps not in the way it quite turned out) or if they were, as Detective Fyre claimed pushing loads of drugs to students, it was never-the-less meant to be a pretty good bash up until the HPD Riot Squad showed up.

Detective Fyre shared pictures taken from various officers and surveillance cameras, which show the HPD roll into the field. It’s probably Fyre to say at this point that if there had been any students in the path of said roll, then they might have had an even better ‘bash’ than prior to HPD arriving… subtly, Fyre and other HPD officers don’t always manage. Apologies readers for the picture quality, but sadly I was not present to take the pictures and the officers had their hands full with batons and stuff… sigh. I’m not so hot at identifying HPD, especially in their riot gear, but is that short one Carol King? The twitter-troll? Anyway… that’s an aside to Landon’s story that follows.

So, as I understand it the raid resulted in the arrest and capture of a wide variety of scavengers and possibly students. I’m don’t believe that everyone arrested by HPD deserves it (and you’re reading one of those undeserving girls now), but in the case of gangsters, well. Key, Lock, throw-away right? That’s what most of you have said you want, peace and prosperity and no violence from either HPD or Gangs. Defunding HPD led to street anarchy, so maybe one less gang for a while will reduce it. Who knows… time will tell.

The Interview

Well, I showed up at the appointed time to the CU fields and found the Detective there, with his large Police bike parked near the field. That bike is like something out of the Terminator movies with that liquid cop dude… Scary. Anyway, what he wanted to talk about was as usual, unclear… his texts were cryptic, although to be fair readers I was kinda hoping it was raid related. My hope was only partially fulfilled as you’ll now see… I switched on my recorder, got my notebook out and started…

GBTL: “Hi… sorry I was late, I got totally lost… despite studying here, what can I help with?”

Detective Fyre: “Afternoon, young lady… First things first. As you satisfied to know that justice has been served against those who deserve it?”

This cryptic comment would leave me slightly non-plussed, but I assumed he’d perhaps be referring to the raid and I further stretched to assuming justice had been served against the right people… So I bluffed the next bit.

GBTL: “Umm, yes.. jail time and justice, very good against the right people. Thank you Detective. Umm, anyways, so you had a raid where you arrested some people?”

Detective Fyre: “Right, for this discussion, similar format, Miss Daiyu. First I have some announcements to make, then you may interview me about the raid and this time I have a student to talk to you as well for that extra authenticity”

GBTL: “Yes, some of the feedback I got for past articles, I have to be honest, people want me to challenge you a little more… I had a few concerned parties want a chance to reply and in fact I’ve just done an interview with some of them actually, you’re a bit of a target… oh and the student will help to give some alternative perspective then, make it not just, no offence, the Landon show.”

Detective Fyre: “I’ve been a ‘target’ for months now, it don’t stop me from protecting these streets… anyway so, for my first announcement… Are you taking photos today? I’d like one out on the field, with the bleachers at my back and make sure you get me in the right pose”

The officer side-tracked himself from his announcement to insist on photographs and then before continuing with the interview also transferred me a number from the raid of HPD lines and some of the arrested parties. Some are reproduced here readers. It’s probably fair to say that as I watched the Detective strike poses around his bike, in his riot helmet and with a baton out, that I got the sense that he really liked himself. Perhaps a bit much…

Detective Fyre: “It’s been a busy month, Miss Tang. Let’s begin with an important announcement for Hathian’s most celebrated Officer. That’s right, alongside being voted Louisiana’s most virile man, the people have bestowed upon me the title of Mister Hathian. I stand before you a humbled man and will do my utmost to honor this title.”

Readers, I felt my lip twitch here. Seriously? Most Virile Man? Says who… I asked on Twitter but found no one to back the claims up. Maybe I need to go ask Della or Bella or whatever. I did see the Hathian Enquirer (that trash rag) post that Landon was involved with Nessie from the Jackals, but that seemed unlikely… The Twittersphere stating that she wasn’t white enough were probably on the money.

GBTL: “Ok, I mean… I’ve not followed what happened to Della besides from hearing that there was a little pool on her crown being removed from her head… hope you’ve got each others’ backs…”

Detective Fyre: “Unfortunately the malice and outright envy from those in the twitterverse will challenge the facts on the ground. Officer Della Pearl is Miss Hathian, she holds the crown to prove it. And now, I, Detective Landon Fyre has become Mister Hathian. And I will stand here and state, the delightful Miss Pearl and I, will defend our titles, together, against any man and woman whom wish to challenge use for the titles of Mister and Miss Hathian. In a trial of unarmed combat.”

How many reporters get to hear a challenge for unarmed combat from a serving Officer in their careers? VERY FEW I tell you readers. This guy is at least giving me material that’ll stand the test of time. So there we go, another challenge out that for a tag-team fight. I saw that Eleri Pentewyn had backed out of her run with an HPD officer, perhaps since she was seeking a combat trainer, she might take Landon up. One can only hope (and it would be good pictures right readers?).

GBTL: “Someone might have recently said… ‘Someone would kick his racist ass to the curb instead of giving him a promotion and a spotlight’ so, I’m pretty sure that there are challengers out there, but whether they emerge from the cold shadows or not, is another question. So, ok… a couple of new titles… but how about the raid, how did you plan that?

Detective Fyre: “Patience my dear, we will arrive at the raid. The second announcement for the day is controversial one, even by my standards. But the people have put their faith in me and as Mister Hathian, I’m committed to using this platform for good and to speak out against the heinous practice of meat-eating in our town. As a gentleman, and a vegan, I am not imposing my lifestyle upon others. But everywhere I go, I’m being oppressed by meat-eaters. As vegans, we don’t want to change anyone’s lifestyles, we just want you all to appreciate the ethically sourced cuisine we do. And I am officially announcing a week of veganism for the entire town, starting in July. That’s right citizens, we are having a Veganuary in July event, with every eatery in town serving only vegan fare for the week. Vegans of Hathian unite, and contact Mister Hathian for direction on how you may assist with enlightening your fellow citizens.”

What… the F… readers? Seriously… Not only untested claims of virility, new titles that God knows where he got them from, but now a meat free week? Also isn’t a Veanuary… meant to be in January, not July?

GBTL: “Ok… but I’ve got to ask, you’ve got a literal bunch of cannibals somewhere out there… I mean, if it was enforced, sounds a good idea for their victims, but suspect at least that Group won’t be following that decree… It’ll also impact the Gein and a few other places worse than others… I guess with enough notice they can adapt their menu. Will you close down any that doesn’t comply?”

The officer at this point started to tap his baton quite hard against his leg… this guy is not the picture of subtle I’m afraid readers.

Detective Vegan: “The cannibals in our midst will learn to love a beetroot and walnut salad, with a squeeze of lemon. And you are correct in stating Geins, Jimmies, Slims, the Pie Hole and even the bakeries and coffee outlets will have three weeks to adapt their menu. Once Veganuary in July begins, those establishments still serving meat-based, or vegetarian products will… have made a grave error of judgment. And upon that note, let’s discuss the raid.”

GBTL: “Ok… So there was a CU party or rave scheduled to happen, then you just identified there were people there you wanted to arrest? Or what was the genesis to it?”

Detective Fyre: “During the event, we received report of an officer being held captive and assaulted at the rave. In a swift response, our officers gathered and geared up to rescue a fallen comrade from a potentially hostile crowd. Make no mistake, these pimply nosed, virginal students were jacked out of their minds on Rainbow and Jackknife, the potency of these drugs mixed with alcohol, reduces the user into a raving, sex-crazed maniac. This was the scene our courageous officers arrived to face, a filled football field of violent virgins in heat. We liberated our fallen officer amidst an escalating situation, until we were forced to fire tear gas into the crowds of students. Multiple cannisters were deployed at precise intervals to gas them all. The students mostly dispersed and what remained, were those hardened gang members guilty of distributing drugs at the rave.”

GBTL: “Ok, can I ask which officer was that? I’ve already seen stuff on Twitter, but it was a bit confused as to what was the instigating factor? Also you’re saying that you chased the students out of the rave and then arrested gang members? Was anyone hurt?”

Detective Fyre: “I’m not at liberty to disclose the identity of a victim, but I shall have them contact you if they are willing. Once the actual students dispersed, coughing and choking, and crying for their mothers. It cleared the field for our officers to advance onto the criminal element, whom were largely affiliated with the gang, the Jackals. People were hurt, Officers and criminals alike, it’s in the selfless work we do, Miss Tang and it was quite a haul, with all the suspects, and their bags of narcotics and cash, all being transported away to face justice. That is the fine work we do, that I as Mister Hathian do”

With the time moving on, the detective insisted on another photo, showing him outside the University sign, stating that he ‘owned these streets’, which was in fact a playing field, but well, it probably counts to him…

GBTL: “Yes, anyone who can provide additional views is welcome to contact me at my normal number or e-mail, so the arrests were worth it, but how do you break the cycle again, surely someone will end up dead before long if they don’t change their ways?”

Detective Fyre: “The last we spoke was at the conclusion of the Purge week. And I assured you then, Miss Tang, that HPD was back with a vengeance. And since that interview, we’ve incarcerated multiple members from every gang, The Kogas, Bones, Rejects and now the Jackals. These are the town’s relevant gangs and we’ve been through them all in a month. But the cycle of crime continues, despite the efforts of all our excellent officers, we are only a component of a larger system.”

GBTL: “It’s a shame that HCS seems so… well, burnt down… there used to be parole officers and others keeping an eye on people… now they go back to their families, their gangs and start again…

Detective Fyre: “I’ve been working with a new lawyer at HCS and sending her probation cases all week, we’ll see how she fares. I’ll get your witnesses, and don’t worry yourself, take all the time you need.”

GBTL: “Thanks, I appreciate your time and I appreciate the Jackals being behind bars… thank you for that”

Well readers, that was it, except for when a student contacted me from the rave to literally… sing the damn praises of Officer Landon. I mean, I know people can be bought, but I also saw Officer Della/Bella (are they interchangeable?) and how much respect… towards Detective Fyre. So, there’s at least two or three people, and knowing Hathian and some of the views that I’ve seen and had expressed to me, probably a whole lot more. But, as my last article showed… there’s a whole other side to the town… On that note readers, I expect to be telling you about a ‘Cold, Wintery, Wind…’ in due course, stay tuned…

Oh and HPD… Please tell Jax to pick up the phone, it’s hard to clear Landon’s statements if your media officer (wasn’t it Barley earlier?) is MIA. But I better be clear, this article has not been endorsed by HPD leadership, but maybe they would. Feel free to clarify your position in our comments section!


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