Dear Grace,
I am writing to you because my world has changed so much. Here I sit finding myself single when I thought I had really found my forever. That part doesn’t matter so much but being out in the field of dating again after not doing it for so long I can’t remember how. Are there even any good guys left? You know the kind willing to bet it all and take their chances at being with someone. How do you go about finding them. I aint talking aboiut the one night standards or the men looking for games. Those are a dime a dozen but where do you start to even look for a REAL man. How do you date? What do you say? Where do you go? Needing directions to how best to dip my toes back in the water.
Signed,
Ready to go fishing
Dear Ready To Go Fishing,
I am very sorry you are going through a break-up, that shit is hard, but make sure you are actually over your “Mr Once was” before you start looking for a “Mr Right now” or a “Mr Right”. To go into something still hurting over another is unfair on him and yourself, and you will set yourself up to fail.
My advice is, don’t go looking for guys, not to date, just look for them as friends, they will surprise you. Making friends with blokes before actively dating them is the best way to figure out who they are, to make sure they are not married, to even decide if they are just after a quick shag. No topic is off-limits, but I don’t recommend you talk about your tilted uterus on the first date.
Where to go? well, that one is easy, you can figure out with the man where he likes to go, let him take you somewhere different, just try to make sure its somewhere you can actually sit and talk. Don’t panic either, if the date goes wrong, sometimes that creates a funny story to bond over. Trust me my first date with one bloke entailed him getting severe diarrhea, us being mugged, and then myself being arrested because of his stupidity. We dated for a few months and he is still a close friend.
Don’t push things, just enjoy spending time with different blokes, if you end up sleeping with a few, that’s ok too. Sometimes sex is the best way to figure out if you even want to be with someone. You will have to do yourself a favour though, and ignore those who muscle in on your personal life. People will tell you you are dating too many guys, sleeping around, etc and they will judge hard. Hold your head up high, you deserve happiness, and if getting it means fucking a few douchebags… that’s actually ok.
Finally, don’t be out there looking for “the one”, that will be counterproductive, drop all ideas you have on the perfect man too, be willing to compromise on what you feel you need. There is a chance that something you found attractive in the last one is something you don’t need. Men tend to get a bit wary of women looking to settle down, its natural for women to want that security, but, you are a strong independent woman and you don’t need a man to feel complete.
I hope this helps,
Grace.
