Last Friday, April 29th, sources confirmed that the disaster that was Khloe Glamour and Johnathan Morpork are done. I caught up with Khloe Glamour and she gave me the exclusive on the details.
AM: Hello Khloe, I have heard that you were pregnant and getting married with Sergeant Morpork even after he ratted you out for the murder that was highly publicized in our very own Hathian Observer. Is this true?
KG: Hi Anon, Yea, whoever opened their big ass f***** mouth said the truth. Though, I’m glad they did. I found out I was pregnant and told him after a month or so of not speaking. We decided to fix our s*** up and “make it work”. He proposed and well I lied to myself thinking I can hook up with a cop. Hell was I ever wrong.
AM: So you dumped him for being a cop?
KG: Yea. Thats why. And also our views and morals don’t line up. Im not gonna lie to myself and try to fit the goody goody mold and be the perfect wife. F*** that. I’m me and no f****** one will change me. Not even the Navy Seals with a sniper rifle pointed at my head, or the CIA for that fact.
AM: So what happened to the baby? I dont see a baby bump on you?
KG: It got put down the garbage disposal of my house. I actually had to call a plumber out to fix the disposal thingy. One of those abortions as people call it.
AM: Are you ok mentally?
KG: Last time I checked, my brain was in my head, though I have had several concussions. Thanks Coyoti Kharg and Some whore there.
AM: So when you dumped Morpork on the altar, how did you do it?
KG: I made a huge beautidul wedding. My dream wedding really. We then got to the altar, and he said his vows, then I said mine. Though mine werent totally romantic. If im right I said something like “i gotta stick to my girls, and you are a stupid cop I cant be with you. go to hell” something like that? I dont remember exactly, Im kinda high on lortabs.
AM: How was his reaction?
KG: I know he cried like a bitch. I mean the tears were streaming down his face like a little girl being told she cant screw the boy she likes from her class.
AM: Do you regret it?
KG: Nope. Actually I met a cute guy and I hope to meet many more.
AM: Anything you would like to add?
KG: I’m doing this interview to say my part. Mr. Morpork did his own public statement after one of our numerous break ups, apologizing for things he did while he was with me. So I just wanted to make sure the whole world, or at least Hathian knows that I hate him.. and I’m sorry for changing myself to conform to the lies society thinks should be standard. but ultimately its to say “I’m Back!!!”
AM: Where did you go?
KG: Dumba** I ment I’m gonna be true to myself. and that the TRUE Khloe is back, with a vengeance of course.
AM: How did you get your figure back?
KG: Cocaine and the abortion.
Submitted By: Anon E. Mous