By: Daiyu Tang
Reader, this is a story of two (and in fact three…) idiots. I’m gonna start by ranking the idiots…
- Hopper
- HPD
- Me
But, the HPD Officer (Koh in this case) is only on this list for tackling me to the floor and in effect rugby smashing me away from the object we’ll discuss below. And I wasn’t really an idiot, more unlucky. So I’m going to reorder this list, taking into account innocence AND heroics:
- Hoppers
So, entirely the fault of our local Hopper family. That’s where I am at, but what am I talking about? Read on…
Explosive History
It’s a well known fact that the Hopper family has, in some of their members, rather less social, mechanical or technological awareness than some other citizens in Hathian. While one would never suggest that all of them were this way inclined, there is a core group who are… rather less refined. Readers, may I just note that they are all dangerous though.
They also, have, in some cases an affinity for explosive devices, although it’s a spectrum of those that know what they are and those that just think they are pretty.
For example in the image on the left, we can see Lucas Hopper performing a wedding ceremony that the Observer attended. This involved the use of an apparent grenade as a sex toy.
I probably should add a third category of knowing what something is, but not applying an appropriate use of it!
Anyway, as the example above shows (and we have more (scarily)) there is always the risk that around a Hopper might be the inappropriate (Lucas) or just stupid (this example) of dangerous technology.
Landlines Are Not For Decoration!
So there was some type of incident at the Gein and as I was around I went to investigate what appeared to be a confrontation between the HPD (in the form of Officer Koh and a female officer I don’t know) and some guy often seen hanging around the Pie Hole. By the time I arrived things had cooled down a bit, but wanting a better shot I went through the Gein to the drive-through exit and that’s when something went *CLICK*
Who.The.Fuck.Puts.A.Landmine.In.A.Doorway!?
Apparently Ain Hopper, or at least someone of his level of Hoppering who had left it there as a ‘pretty gift’ for Karrigan who runs the Gein now. A gift. A potentially lethal or explosive gift.
Now yes reader. I included myself in the idiot list because if I hadn’t been scared witless I might have thought, ‘hey – how did he get it there without it exploding’, but I didn’t think that. I just stood on this thing that went *click* and people started shouting at me.
HPD Hurls Journalist
Now, standing on a device that might kill you, or at least make you the even more crippled version of Vanora (Sexy but flawed is an good look. But crispy journalist without feet is pushing it a bit far?!) is rather scary. So I stood there and listened and considered how to manage an urgent need to wee with a need to project calm. I think I managed. I only swore at a few people, all while someone (pictured) hurled ‘dumbling’ comments at me. Christ.
In any case, the HPD who were already around arrived and I expected some kinda 50/50 chance when I heard the Bomb Squad was on the way. HPD HQ – exploded. HGH – Exploded. Journalist – ? It wasn’t completely unlikely that I was not going to make it. It makes you reflect. Like how I had relatively few people I could think to call to say goodbye too. Sigh.
But defying orders and this is why HPD is not on the ‘idiot’ list as the heroic actions more than offset it, officer Koh hurled me across the room and used his body to shield me from the potential explosion, which then of course didn’t happen. Because despite it being a real land mine, it was seized and too old to blow. But it did, according to the Hopper make a ‘pretty gift’ and I was a ‘dumbling’ for standing on it and damaging it. You can’t make this shit up.
Anyway, that’s the story… I’m still whole. Koh gets an Observer bravery point and the Hoppers gain another notch to the ‘watch out DANGER’ mark.
