By: Carly Cox
Editor’s note: Apparently Carly (despite her own admission below of sleeping with 1/4 of Hathian) did not retire early with health complications, and here we present the latest in her ‘Ask Carly’ series…. You can view #11 HERE and search for others under ‘Agony Aunt Carly Cox’.
This column issue is a direct answer to the comedian Ronny Cheng posing the following question. “Who the fuck measured enough dicks to get a large enough sample size to reduce your standard deviation down to an acceptable margin of error?“
Well, I have… And I am going to share with you the results of my extenssive scientific research.
Does Size Matter?
Men have been asking themselves this question since the invention of the dildo, when their dicks became ‘nice to have’ instead of ‘need to have’. The answer is both yes and no, as dicks most commonly exist in two states: Flaccid and erect. (Some like Ofc. Douglas Finn need medication to switch between the two states)
Size does not matter when it comes to the state of a flaccid cock, as I have seen tiny variants erect to become massive entities like a clown blowing up a balloon poodle in one breath. I have also seen bigger flaccid sizes hardly growing an inch when erecting in my hands, while still fully stiff. Like a woman’s nipples, it’s all about the ‘corpus luteum’ or in English, the size and amount of swelling muscles in the penis. Some have more than others.
With an erect cock however, size absolutely matters, and while a longer dick can reach better, us girls mostly prefer a thick girth over length. Both however is how you keep us coming back for more. Keep in mind, that a pussy can expand up to 400% of its original size, and getting stretched is a feeling like no other.
The more vaginal sex a woman has with a thick dick, the tighter she will become as the muscles and nerves in her vagina are stimulated, which in turns means she will have much better chances of cliamxing. This is why size of an erect penis matters.

Girth & Length Detection Technique
By my estimations, I have had sex with around 25% of the male population of Hathian, which is the ‘the large enough sample size’ Ronny Cheng was talking about. I have been with so many men, and seena nd felt their dicks in such ways I have figured out a way to tell if a man is likely to have a big dick – simply by looking at him.
On average, dick sizes are linked to mens physical attributes. Taller men are more likely to have longer dicks, and broad shoudlered men will have thicker girths. If he is both tall and broad shoudlered, I’m likely to have multiple orgasms if he slays my pussy with his sword. If you are a short lean guy, go bark up another tree. (Who am I kidding?, I’ll fuck you anyway)

Dick Performance Facts
Naturally the performance of the dick during sex is directly influenced by the skills of its user, but there also exist other more biological factors that will influence the prowesss regardless of the owners abilities in bed.
- While drunken men are much easier to get to take you to bed, it’s common knowledge that they perform less satisfactory in bed due to erection issues.
- Younger dicks perform better than older dicks, (I was Dean of CU after all)
- Morning-woodies are likely the best performing dickstate of all.
- Dicks in the 18-25 age range only have a downtime of 7,3 minutes on average.
- Length of a sexual act is directly tied to tightness of a hole.
- The shorter between sexual acts, the thicker the sperm is
- The amount of sperm produced is directly linked with the time spent in an aroused state.
- On average a man has 3-5 erections lasting 25-35 minutes during his sleep cycle, so stay awake girls.
- In Hathian most men are circumcised and feels smoother
- The world average penis size is 5.2-5.6 inches, the Hathian average is 7.3 inches.
In Conclusion
The dick as an organ fascinates me a great deal and I enjoy studying them up close. If you believe my facts are nonsense, feel free to write to me at [email protected] or come show me sometime in person.