CUPD Cracking Down (On Non-Existent Crimes)

3 mins read

By: Carly Cox

If one is to judge a law enforcement strategy based solely on the actions of law enforcement officers, it would seem that unlawful wedding ceremonies on campus grounds have become the worst criminal activity on campus. These unlawful wedding ceremonies are, if we again judge solely on actions, such a big issue, that a CUPD Cadet Haiku saw it necessary to force entry into a wedding Ceremony in progress at approximately 11 am on Wednesday December 13th, and disrupt the ordained minister, forcing her to show her identification and her certificate of eligibility to perform wedding ceremonies.

According to the police report Cadet Haiku “reported to a volatile situation at a CU wedding ceremony”. (If CUPD classify a situation where several attendants of the wedding were busy carving out and eating wedding cake as a volatile situation, god helps us all when the protest for pink tax happens). Further the report states “Cadet Haiku was assaulted by the newly weds, CU Dean Carly Cox and Rhys Pentewyn with a deadly weapon”. When asked to justify the actions of CUPD to HPD Lieutenant Landon Fyre, Cadet Haiku was witnessed claiming that she had to force entry into the ceremony through “locked doors”.

I can assure the readers, the doors were in fact not locked and attendants to this public wedding were able to come and go as they pleased, of which many did. (After eating cake – Ed)

It is however true, that I did in fact tell Cadet Haiku, that she was in danger of becoming a missing persons report if she didn’t vacate the premises immediately, and I did pull a knife because I was upset. I was arrested and I have served my time for these threats against law enforcement officer, no matter if it could be construed as natural reaction to unlawful forced entry by CUPD Cadet Haiku.

So I ask you, the readers. Isn’t it far more likely, that CUPD is so bored that they are now inventing crimes that they can then crack down upon, in order to validate their own existence on campus? In social science we call this social constructivism, where a person or organization seeks to construct a narrative and a context in which their actions are justified, no matter if it has any foundation in reality.

As Dean of Columtreal University I am putting my foot down and saying no more. Until a formal apology have been issued by CUPD to all parties involved in this matter, CU is permanently suspending all relations to CUPD, and any cooperation will cease to exist. Should CUPD seek to work with CU on anything until such a formal apology has been issued, it will simply be denied.

Carly Cox,
Dean of Columtreal University

Previous Story

A Hathian Wedding – Congratulations Rhys & Carly

Next Story

Why Violent Protests Fail

Latest from Community