Sometime on Thursday night in the quiet suburb of Vodou a black cat answering to the name of “Mouse” disappeared. The owner, wealthy spinster and cat lover Margaret Wildebeest described the cat as “..small, cat-like and covered with black fur. She is a young cat, barely no more than a kitten and very playful affectionate – see I still have the scars to prove it”. With that she showed us her arms that had numerous lacerations. Ms. Wildebeest continued. ” I desperately want to play with my little Pussy again so if you can help me find her, I am happy to offer a reward. This is a tough town for pets.”
When pressed for further details about the missing animal Ms. Wildebeest added “Yes, she has a silver collar, it is quite distinctive as it is studded with diamonds. ” Naturally the reported assumed these were fake, however when questioned Ms. Wildebeest noted ” No, they are genuine diamonds. Given all the crime in this city it is far safer to store your valuables on your pets.”
We interviewed a number of locals in the area to help determine the whereabouts of the cat called Mouse, however as yet have not found any clues. Of the three individuals interviewed, two had no comment to make, claiming they were unaware of the cats location and a third resident threatened our reporter with an ax.
Finally we met a thin blonde man near the home of Ms. Wildebeest. He commented ” The woman is clearly insane – she has at least 47 cats – all black – I live nearby and the caterwauling at night drives me crazy ” When we mentioned the diamond crusted collar the man immediately changed his tone. ” Really? Well I must be off then. ” Our informant disappeared into the shadows looking around earnestly. In the distance we could just make out cries of “Here Kitty Kitty ”
Ms. Wildebeest has offered the sum of $500 for the safe recovery of her beloved pet. Please contact Daphne Divine (meg.frequency) at the Observer office if you have any information regarding the whereabouts of Mouse.