◦ Bitter, unsuccessful middle aged loser wallowing in an unending sea of inert, drooping loneliness looking for 24 year old needy leech-like hanger-on to abuse with dull stories, tired sex, and Herb Alpert albums
◦ Whomever drove me home from the bar Friday night, I left my purse in your car.
◦ MISSING TONGUE. If found, please return to XXX Shop
◦ Boots for sale! Black, knee-high leather boots, slightly scuffed, smell like hooker’s feet, $50 OBO
◦ Dear pig, I saw you at Lou’s. You grabbed my butt and I told you if you did that again, I’d kill you. You did. I need your address now.
◦ Found: Pink glowstick, long since stopped glowing, may smell like ass
◦ Burger with a pair of nice buns looking for meat to fill her up