Hathian – The mayor’s off has decided to place a safe sex stand outside of Hathian General Hospital in an effort to curb the high rate of pregnancy and STDs plaguing the city recently. Reported cases of sexually transmitted diseases are at an all time high. After a shortage on chlamydia medicine Zithromax, the Hathian Department of Heath decided that they were going to take the next step in the battle hiring a local woman, Infected Pennucca, to don a condom outfit and be the head of the new STD Awareness Program. When asked what her best advice was to avoid both pregnancy and STDs, she simply replied “Wrap it or just Whack it”. With the handing out of free condoms and birth control another hope is that the cases of pregnancy would indeed drop. The local OB/GYN has been working no stop as of late. “My wife is more upset that I look at more pussy than I do her face” he said solemnly, “It makes my love life hell, I don’t even have time for the hooker, I might turn gay if I have to look at another horrible vag again.” Citizens seem to be on the fence about the idea, well until they get caught with a lovely unwanted gift that keeps on giving. Kendra Coakes, the Chief of Staff at Hathian General, has been unresponsive at attempts to contact her or her office, and has released no official statement.
