Press Release: 27th August 2024
Sunday, Sundae, Someday… they all sound the same, but I will deal with them in order because that’s how Mayors get things done. First:
Sundae!
NEWSFLASH – I, your mayor, have provided a new ice-cream machine to the Hathian General…
Isn’t she a beauty? If my secretary was an ice-cream machine, this metal machine of melting goodness would be her. By my count there are ELEVEN different ways to press ‘her’ buttons and I’m sure many of my dearest HGH workers will enjoy the first week where it’s set to FREE VEND. That’s right, unlike how we charge dear citizens for amazing HGH health-care, we won’t charge them for calories! You know who to thank right?
Me.
Ok though. You knew I was going to be generous and I said as much when I last communicated with you, my loyal voters. I got the HPD a pool, I now have given the fantastic nurses (and doctors) an ice-cream machine. But some of you are still being downers…
Someday
Let me be clear, let me be straight with you… Bobby has no issues with no one. But, I get it, I understand, some of you might not get my greatness. I’m blindingly good and sometimes you know it’s hard not to be awed. But one thing I am not, one title I cannot claim… I’m not called Trevor.
Think about it – If you were called TREVOR you’d probably be unhappy as well. Let’s be honest… “Oh, my TV broke… Trevor will fix it…” or… “That thing was made in a shed, by some bloke called Trevor…”
It’s just that kinda name. Right? But don’t think I am bitter and upset. Let me support Trevor by (because much more people will read this than what he wrote) repeating his troubled mind.
“We were subjected to the grotesque sight of her remains raining down upon us, and many of us had to be treated at Hathian General Hospital for serious injuries, including having fragments of her bones removed from our flesh.” – Trevor Pentewhine
Umbrellas. I’m a genius. UMBREALLAS
So it took a bit of planning. But today is finally that someday… I researched and decided that what Trevor needs… What he wants (which is why he wrote to complain to get the world to revolve around him) are Mayor Boxer branded Umbrellas, and not just umbrellas, but ART. Like Moses giving out the good stuff, I’ve already commanded the creation of an art installation for the FDH to help memorialise that day. To remember Shilya’s sacrifice and to give the FDH some tastefully Bobby Boxer branded umbrellas as well.
Behold… ‘Three Cans & Cakes’ – modern art at it’s best.
I had my people deliver this and got a special bakery order made. Try them, they represent that blast that you all suffered, don’t worry the sparkler is entirely safe. I even investigated with a health professional who said jokes can help dealing with trauma! So enjoy the sparkler!
Emergency Service Celebration Day – You Guessed it – SUNDAY!
Finally I was doing some thinking. When you get shot by a criminal you end up in hospital. When there’s a fire and you get smoked you end up in hospital. In fact in nearly all cases my advisors tell me you end up in HGH, although when I need my pills I get them hand delivered. Strive Hard to become like me!
So, not only sundaes, but also Emergency Service Sunday! This will be our new Celebration day and will start sometime in December after there is something new to appreciate from them! Every member of HPD and FDH will be expected to thank HGH and in return they might give you an ice-cream (while stocks last). I am sure you will appreciate that I have determined which of the three emergency services is clearly at the top of the pyramid based on straw poll of my staff AND a citizen walkabout. It pains me to say that trust in the police appears low and my staff passed me damning complaints from Tory Yamatoe that FDH staff had refused to treat her. Tsk. Public Relations! If you need tips how, call me. So just as TREVOR said, after FDH was injured by their own staff, where did they go? HGH. So the next Services Sunday (and probably many more) will be to my best friends at HGH.
Anyway Hathian, I’ve bestowed bounties onto the emergency services. If you know of deserving female run businesses that need a doneration just let me know. I also can reach across the aisle and make the same offer to anyone, gang, citizen, whomever. I love that you love me and in no particular order, just for example… If that Eamon fellow let you down (or couldn’t get it up)? Call me. You can reach me via all the contact methods on my placards!
Mayor Bobby Boxer
