Bikini Goers Rammed From Behind

4 mins read

On January 4th protestors gather in front of the Daily Grind on Hathian Highway to voice their support and complaints regarding dress code. Hathian Police Department officers were on scene to provide positive crowd control. 

Concerned citizens judge the latest trend of bikini wearing workers as indecent, particularly around children known to frequent the establishment. 

They chant, “Hey hey-ho ho! Sleazebag coffee has got to go! Hey hey- ho ho! Sleazebag coffee has got to go!”

“Sleazy Rizzo, what a perv!” a vocal dissenter repeats his own. “Skanks and coffee is what he serves!”

Their words however are muted against scores of scantily clad counter-protestors.

“Tits for tea! Cocks for coffee!” cheer bikini and speedo wearing enthusiasts, several of which have those slogans painted upon their stomachs.

Though both sides exchange jeers and colorful language, neither engage in hostile activity.

Daily Grind owner Jordan Rizzo, managers, and staff welcome and offer free coffee to supporters.

At 3:00 PM, Loz Weymann, owner of Lou’s Bar, announces a swimwear competition. A request for volunteer judges goes out and three agree to be a part of the panel: Comiquities owner Domino Starr, Hathian General Hospital administrator James Matfield, and Hathian Observer reporter Geoffrey Welders.

Counter-protesters construct a hasty runway of pallets and crates. Stretching down Hathian Highway, it claims half a block’s length.

Up and down the runway contestants strut, making a big show for the judges and crowd. All who perform give a dazzling display of sensuality and confidence leaving judges are hard pressed to determine a winner. Rizzo buys time for the judges to deliberate by showcasing his own fine assets.

Judges eventually come to a conclusion and Welders steps upon the pallets to announce the winners. Tala Infinity places third, Bethany Ford for second. Maddison Wilkinson takes first, claiming the grand title of ‘Biggest Coffee Slut’.

Participants and observers cheer for the results. Rounds of congratulations pass to winners. Their celebratory victory however is cut short by a sudden violent turn of events.

A lifted 2017 RAM 3500 Laramie Longhorn truck revs its engines and charges forward. It plows through crates and pallets, striking pedestrians caught off guard.

Photo credit: Romani Noca


The driver, identified as Adeline Desmond, shouts several expletives and threats toward counter-protestors surrounding and beneath her wheels. Desmond was seen earlier that day on the protester’s side.

Desmond lets loose a manic scream and turns her vehicle straight for the Daily Grind. Into the wall she drives, totalling and disabling her vehicle. The impact sends her head into the steering wheel and Desmond receives light injuries.

Hathian Police Officers then arrive on scene.

After unbuckling her seatbelt, Desmond opens the driver’s side door in surrender. Police swarm in and take her into custody.

Four victims remain in serious condition at Hathian General Hospital.

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