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This weekend, Pasture Prime officially opened its doors with a ceremony that was anything but a last hurrah.
The grand opening drew a living crowd, all eager to prove that just because you’re getting older it does not mean you can’t enjoy a good time.
We’re thrilled to introduce our first resident, Mr. Douglas Finn, who moved in just before the Grim Reaper could upgrade him to the VIP room. Finn, the finest of Hathian Police Department who’s outlasted more calendars than he cares to count, was greeted by our Head of Geriatrics with donuts and a jumbo packet of Viagra as he made himself at home.
Douglas already embraced his new digs, taking up the ‘Head of the Living Dead Committee’ title and wanting to welcome new arrivals with a grin and a reminder that the only thing stiff around here should be… the drinks.
He is making sure Pasture Prime isn’t just a place to wait out your latter years, but where you can laugh in Death’s face and dare her to another lap dance. For relatives and loved ones of Douglas, we have set-up a live stream “Senior Shenanigans” where users can interact with our resident and send gifts:
www.seniorshenanigans.onlycops.com
Please note, our premium air conditioning is laced with a state-of-the-art, organic and fair-trade chemical that controls when Douglas will sleep and wake up!*
Pasture Prime: “Where the grass is always greener on your side of life.”
*The chemical, carbon monoxide, is an experimental practice designed to let our residents feel free but have a strict routine of sleep time, play time and food time.
