1 Star Reviews: Grotto’s Are Evil

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So during Christmas recently I was having a drinky drink as you do and I saw this erm, helpless reindeer trapped in this enclosure thing.

I mean ok it said Santa’s Grotto but clearly this animal was being neglected!

Anyways I decided to let it go, all calm like, because I love animals and animals are wonderful creatures and I will bosh anyone round the face with my chain who says otherwise.

So anyways I climbed over this fence here, see, and let the animal go… Took some persuasion mind and I could have sworn I heard someone yelling but nevertheless I had a mission so with some carrots the reindeer was on it’s way.

Now I had nothing to do with the reindeer that crashed through that party mind, and it is a total coincidence that the reindeer I let go looked suspiciously like the one that nearly killed people. That reindeer had nothing to do with me, it might have looked like the same reindeer but it was a totally different reindeer with coincidentally the same markings.

Also I might have taken something which might have made my recollection a little on the wonk, but I’m telling you now that reindeer had nothing to do with me. Also it weren’t me who gave the Grotto owner a quick bish bosh round the face with my chain, it were a totally different chain that took out Frank Risotto it was not my chain your honor. And that is why I am against Grottos and why reindeers should be free and why drugs are bad.

[The Views and Opinions shared in this review do not reflect that of The Observer and were submitted as part of the ‘Tell the Observer Your Secrets’ series]

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