“Big black stud seeks pint sized perky bitch for NSA fun”
“BBW seeks skinny man to smother…with presents.”
“Fluffy Female seeks 2 switch males to fluffer their nutters”
“Do you like stench? Sexy lolita with broken shower seeks D&D free male to bathe her… with their tounge”
“Missing: 1 big black man with 3d glasses. Real name unknown, frequently says ‘whore’ and ‘bonerface’. Lure with promises of BJ in empty alleys”
“Loving family seeks pregnant woman to attend their weekly barbeque.”
“Kinky red head seeks one more child to add to her litter, please bring all inquiries to the column in front of Gein”
“Seeking running partner to get this flabby body back into shape. If you’re interested, simply find me, I’m blonde and respond to the name Ellis, and start chasing with weapon in hand. Need motivation to keep moving”
“Missing! 1 baby duckling. Escaped during flooding. Help bring our baby home”
“Female seeks pink kool-aid or pink hair dye as all has been looted from local establishments. Help keep me looking fab!”
“Giant samoan seeking wife.”