By: Daiyu Tang
A large yellow bus was parked outside the Observer offices this week. What was it, whose was it? Why was it so short. Was it related to the rather erotic and sexy film ‘Shortbus’? No. No. No it wasn’t.
It was not a city bus. It was not a even a school bus unless Hathian had such a budget crisis that six or so seats was all that was needed. It was, in fact, the infamous property of one man and that man was Wilbur Fitzgerald; a name most Hathian residents have already filed under ‘avoid eye contact‘ long before anyone filed anything in court… Which my dear readers, is the subject of this article. Wilbur’s litigation against the Hathian Police Department (‘HPD’).
But before we jump into interviews with anyone, let’s just set the scene on why Wilbur, might just, end up $5m richer (and then likely dead).
$5m – Hathian Kingmaker Money
The Observer was sent a week or two ago, via anonymous mail details of a law-suit filed against the HPD’s Inspector, Krystal O’Neil and thus the City.
There’s a reported settlement of over $5m sought by Wilbur Fitzgerald, (Yes, reader you can read about Dumpster Diving and a purported murder, if you want a little character study).
Our editor agreed to speak to both the law firm representing Fitzgerald, as well as the man himself to find out what had happened to lead to the extraordinary letter below. We also took a view from HPD.
“My Brake Lines Were Cut”
We understand that Wilbur was involved in a bus crash. We understand there were two views about what happened next… One view, advanced by his lawyer and Wilbur himself is that the crowd set upon him and attempted to beat him up or worse. The second view, advanced by the HPD is that Wilbur, drunk or drugged, crashed his bus and then once he emerged at the Pawn Shop attempted to fight with all and sundry.
Once you strip away the bus, the blood, and the fact that the protagonist smells like a dumpster what you are left with is paperwork that makes up this story. Hathian loves paperwork (Ok, maybe only I and lawyers do). Paperwork is what you wave around when you want to look lawful (Krystal loves her warrants) or journalistic while emotionally screaming ‘fuck’ or ‘shit’ loudly inside your head. You don’t want to be discovered as a fraud, so you write complex stuff or get a lawyer to do it for you. If you’re a journalist you just wave the paper around ‘You wanna be in this? You want to be the headline?‘; it either works for those you want in the paper, or sometimes dissuades those you don’t want. Trade secret. Anyway… Back to Wilbur.
I can well imagine that somehow Wilbur, beaten and then apparently further injured by the HPD during his arrest had not just ‘fuck and shit’ tearing around inside his head. He likely had substances and anger and somehow, after meeting with the lawyer, got this result. A lawsuit. Against the HPD and the City. $5m worth of lawsuit.
Lawyers
When I called the Pickett Law Firm, the voice on the line answered like he was auditioning for ‘Lawyer: The Musical’:
“Drreeeee PICKett… attorney at law!”
Pickett Law Firm
Then, with the smoothness of a man who has practiced sounding sincere in front of judges who hate him, he praised my work, clarified he had ‘two hats’ (City Legal Services and private practice), and immediately tried to work out who leaked the settlement number to me. I told him what I tell everyone: in Hathian, information doesn’t ‘leak’ so much as it crawls out of the swamp, dripping, and climbs into your lap and makes itself comfortable. My lap seems to attract this kinda stuff.
At first he gave me the polite dance… He “can’t divulge any details,” but he wants to cooperate “to the absolute fullest” and so on. Well my dears, I do what I always do when someone is a bit slippery. I introduced a lit match to the conversation after slathering Mr.Pickett in oil. I introduced Wilbur’s reputation. And that was when Pickett stopped being ‘Attorney Voice’ and sounded rather more like a tired man in a rental apartment or trailer somewhere deciding whether to be honest with the press or die with his secrets and no publicity.
Eventually, we got to the meat of it. This was not routine HPD roughness, but something uglier – a chaotic scene, a mob, and officers who “joined the mob.” He alleges his client was “beaten” and left “5 hours with no medical attention,” before being sent to the HGH. I pressed. He pushed. I pressed again and he summarized it the way lawyers do when they’re trying to sound like saints while threatening a hurricane…
“Checkered history or not… Fitzgerald didn’t deserve what he got that day.“
Picket Law Firm
Clients
Fitzgerald arrived at the Observer offices like a scene the universe wrote as a joke. His yellow bus of course and his own description of his attire as having his “best top,” which is a phrase doing heroic labour in a town with this many dumpsters and with Wilbur quite familiar with them. He opened negotiations the way most people open a door: “How much am I getting paid for this interview?” and while the Observer does offer petty cash for expenses, I restrained myself; partly because if Wilbur was successful in his lawfare, he was going to have five million reasons why my petty cash was like nothing.
Reader, I have covered murders. I have covered trafficking. I have covered corruption. I was not emotionally prepared to negotiate ‘cake money’ with a man allegedly in line for up to $5m dollars.
Inside the office, he was jittery, picking at a scab, leg bouncing, the kind of restless that doesn’t come from nervousness alone. He asked if I wanted him to answer questions, or if he should “just talk.” so I gave him the core allegations and let him run with it.
His story, in his words… He was joyriding the bus, tried to brake, it wouldn’t stop, he panicked. He alleged that the brake lines had been cut, which caused him to crash. He claims that when the doors opened he was attacked by “three or four people” who were “bashing the bus with like bats and shit… like full on feral animals at the Pawnshop.”. He says he blacked out, woke briefly in HPD, then woke in a cell with a broken arm and dislocated knee, “in agony.. .and ignored.”
He also, crucially, anticipated the most sceptical part of the story: HPD’s version that he ‘slipped.’
“To make matters worse they saying I ‘tripped’.. unless I fell off a fucking cliff I ain’t trip…“
Wilbur
When I pressed on the brake line claim – whether anyone investigated it, whether he’d reported sabotage, who might target him – he had no real clear answer. Which, to be clear, is not how most victims of attempted vehicular sabotage behave. It is, however, very on-brand for Wilbur. He’s back driving after having it all fixed. How do you feel about that?
HPD
Of course the HPD had something to say, and say it they did in a formal letter back. We got a copy and the juicy bit is:
“Contrary to the claims asserted on behalf of Mr. Fitzgerald, the incident of December 27, 2025 was precipitated by Mr. Fitzgerald’s own actions. As documented in the official police report, Mr. Fitzgerald intentionally drove a bus into the front area of the Hathian Pawnshop, striking multiple fixed objects and at least one civilian, later identified as Joyce Turner. Following this collision, Mr. Fitzgerald initiated a physical altercation with a group of civilians on scene. During efforts to restore order and take Mr. Fitzgerald into lawful custody, he slipped and sustained a broken arm and other non-life-threatening injuries. Multiple independent witnesses were present.”
HPD Letter
Our Take – ($0 sadly)
Here is where Hathian’s favourite hobby kicks in: deciding whether someone deserves due process based on whether you personally enjoy them. I don’t generally believe ‘bad’ people deserve ‘bad things’ happening to them, but I also believe that people need to take accountability. At the end of the interview, after the rambling, after the swagger, after the vivid descriptions and the injuries and the righteous fury, he said something that sounded like the closest thing to truth you can get out of Wilbur:
“Man, if I had 5 million dollars I’d fucking leave here. Fuck this place, bro.”
If Wilbur Fitzgerald gets paid, he won’t become a pillar of the community. He’ll become a projectile or he’ll suffer one. Realistically, I see no prospect of a pay-out, but hey, if you need a lawyer, Pickett’s know their stuff and seem decent. Did Wilbur crash, or was he sabotaged? I don’t know. Did he fight people outside the Pawn Shop. Yes. Did HPD likely mistreat him as he is often alleged to mistreat them? Yes. Where does this leave his case? Likely stuck in the legal system for the next decade, so I’m sorry to say dear reader, I don’t think we’re going to know a millionaire personally this side of 2030 and even then. Nah…
