By: Campus Freelancer Shilo Casen
The Lambda Obscura house was already buzzing before the clock even hit 2 p.m. on January 30th, 2026. What started as a casual cowboy-and-cowgirl gathering quickly escalated into one of the loudest, booziest, most chaotic parties the campus had seen in weeks.
A Coyote Ugly themed party was all the rage Friday night. Remember that cheesy yet sexy early 2000’s movie with the sexy bartenders that would dance on the bartops? That’s what LO got down to doing!
Kara kicked things off by hopping behind the bar with zero bartending experience and a cheerful disregard for measured pours. “Let’s start with some whisky?” she announced, immediately lining up glasses of extremely generous whisky, tequila, and beer. Within minutes the counter looked like a free-for-all dispensary.
Ulric claimed his Lowland whisky, “none of that American stuff”, and declared Kara the official bar girl for the night, while Eliana Noë welcomed arrivals from the sofa with a tip of her hat and commitment to a theme “Howdy! Welcome to Lambda Obscura house.”
The room filled fast. Josie swept in with her oversized hat, Denise followed the music, Courtney bobbed her head looking for liquor, and Isabis skipped up the stairs, delivering a playful ass-slap en route to the bar.
Within twenty minutes the bar top had become the main stage. Myself and Isabis strutted and spun in micro-shorts and boots while Kara gamely poured shots and eventually wielded the bar hose like a fireman’s nozzle, spraying beer straight into open mouths. Ulric happily leaned back to enjoy the view, occasionally getting a face full of foam or tequila.
A few other choice highlights:
- Brittney stripped off her outer top to reveal a micro bikini, loaded a squirt gun with tequila, nestled shot glasses between her (and later Jizzabelle’s) cleavage, and invited takers. Andrew was happy to oblige, dipping in for shots straight from Brittney’s chest more than once.
- Jizzabelle matched the energy, offering her own cleavage for shots and joking about taking the bikini top off entirely.
- Daytona Knox arrived in full Climax Crusader gear, green spandex, dual super soakers loaded with apparently tequila and immediately tried to spray partygoers in the mouth. After a failed attempt on Denise (who ducked, then kneed him squarely in the groin), he limped out, pride and testicles equally bruised.
Ulric briefly menaced Daytona with whisky bottles over “crashing the party,” only for yours truly to de-escalate with kisses and lap-dance promises. Rog Messmer drew side-eye from Shilo when he arrived (she flipped him the bird) but he still got waves and smiles from others who appreciated the EMT presence “just in case.”
By late afternoon the house smelled of spilled tequila, weed, beer, and sweat. The music never stopped, the bar hose stayed in heavy rotation, and more than a few people left with wet shirts, lipstick marks, and developing Polaroid’s tucked in their pockets.
Lambda Obscura may be known as the “quiet, nerdy” house on campus, but on January 30 they proved they could throw a party just as hard as anyone else. Cowboy hats off to Kara, Ulric, Shilo, and everyone who turned a themed gathering into pure CU legend.
