By: Campus Freelancer Shiloh
If you wandered past the quad this weekend and thought, “Are those Llamas or Alpacas and are they real or Squishmallows?” You were not hallucinating!
In what may go down as the most wholesome campus event of the semester, Lambdas for Llamas took over the LO lawn with fluffy guests, unlimited food and drinks, and just enough (cute) chaos to keep everyone entertained.
For a $20 donation, students received all-you-can-eat burgers from Burger Pit Stop, drinks from Murphy’s Olde Irish Pub a further free drink voucher for Murphy’s for use later, and unlimited llama cuddles (and probably Alpacas).
The event benefited GoulaParadise Farms, which loaned the llamas out for educational purposes and emotional support.
Llamas Are For Love – Not Cooking
After Akuma suggested along with Clivia that they might want to cook a llama it was made clear to them that “Llamas are friends, not food.” This announcement proved necessary when several attendees asked entirely too confidently whether llama burgers were on the menu. Burgers, generously provided by Burger Pit stop, were 100% llama-free.
It was also required that the LO’s gave repeated reminders that llamas should not be fed alcohol, drugs, or questionable snacks pulled from backpacks. They only eat hay and drink water.
While I was there covering the event, Ulric offered to pay me $5 to eat hay so I issued a hay eating challenge, the first person to eat a bucket of hay and finish it would win $500. This was enthusiastically taken up with Kara telling Ulric, “Well if you don’t eat any she wins automatically!” Ulric shot down the challenge then called the Llama he was holding, “such a good girl,” treating it how I imagine him in the bedroom. “I love it when you call me a good girl daddy” I said to him and he, without enough humor retorted, “I was talking at the Llama!” a likely story…
Llama Bondage
Students quickly bonded with the animals, many of whom were immediately named:
DEA Shutdown
DEA members attempted to negotiate adoptions, house party appearances, and long-term emotional support arrangements. They were quickly shut down. We did however give them cute CU Coloured Llama plushies that I had had made custom just for the event.
Calm on Campus
The event turned into an unexpectedly calming mid Sunday afternoon. Students lounged in the grass, laughed with friends, and discovered that petting a llama lowered stress levels. Kara issued a statement, “Not every campus event has to end in chaos. Sometimes you just need burgers, donations, and really soft fur.”
Until next time support your local farms, pet responsibly remember they are friends not food; unless you live in South Africa, I hear that’s where Llamas are popular too eat
Thank you to Organizers Kara and Ulric of Lambda Obscura, Goula Paradise Farms in Plaquemine, LA. Burger Pit Stop, Murphy’s Olde Irish Pub and CRCU for broadcasting live from the event.
The groundskeeper grumbled having to shovel up animal shit and later the campus discord chat was abuzz with the talk of a missing Llama, I joked mentioning that I took Jeff but quickly retracted my story then when Jeff was accounted for
Most importantly we would like to thank you to everyone who attended and made a donation.
