By Staff Writer Who Definitely Asked to Be Anonymous
CU Campus, Friday morning. Students filing into Lecture Hall B expected the usual academic fare: PowerPoint slides, lukewarm coffee, and perhaps a brief existential crisis. What they got instead was a faint smell of cigarette smoke, a professor mid-text-message, and a syllabus boldly declaring “Bimbo Science: Gangbang Theory.”
Yes, reader. This was a real class. Allegedly.
Professor Carly Cox opened the lecture by assuring students that today’s topic would tackle a long-standing myth: that gangbangs are inherently exploitative. According to Cox, this belief fails to account for agency, logistics, and what she referred to as “kinesthetic authority,” a phrase that caused several students to nod thoughtfully while others wondered if they should, in fact, be taking notes.
Participation, But Not That Kind
When asked whether the class would be “interactive,” Cox swiftly clarified that no demonstrations would occur during lecture hours, reminding students that extracurricular activities remain their own responsibility. Attendance was nevertheless strong.
Students raised earnest questions with remarkable academic framing:
- Would this be a group project?
- What percentage of the final grade would it count for?
- Would submissions be written… or recorded?
Interchangeable components
In one particularly memorable moment, Cox suggested that men in such scenarios become “interchangeable components,” a statement that caused visible discomfort among some male students and quiet satisfaction among the girls. A citation to a 2004 sociological study was mentioned, lending the room just enough academic legitimacy for everyone to pretend this was still higher education.
The Students Push Back
Some students questioned whether all empowerment narratives risked ignoring emotional, psychological, or biological realities. Others raised concerns about hyper-commercialization, arguing that modern dating culture already treats intimacy like a stock market and that maybe not everything needs to be optimized for profit, scalability, or Instagram aesthetics.
One student summarized the dissent succinctly: “Why can’t people just enjoy sex without turning it into… this?“
No Limits, No Consensus
As the lecture veered into “No Limits Paradox” territory—defined as the idea that choosing to surrender control is itself an act of control—students appeared divided between fascination, scepticism, and mild concern that their tuition was being spent on a live debate podcast. So much so Carly.
As students filed out, some thanked Professor Cox for an ‘entertaining’ class. Others pinched the bridge of their nose and stared into the middle distance. One thing was clear:
Whether ground-breaking scholarship or satire, Bimbo Science: Gangbang Theory has secured its place as the most discussed lecture on campus and certainly in the group chat.
The university declined to comment on whether Professor Cox was a disgrace or a visionary.
