By: Rose
There I sat in Lou’s, minding my own business, about to enjoy a glass of tequila and just about to take part in a harmless little challenge, when lightning struck twice.
Appearing at every doorway into Lou’s was, yes, you guessed it, the Scooby Gang. The very same group that robbed the Flamin’ Cajun just weeks ago.
It began much as before, with a slightly differently attired Daphne striding into Lou’s like she was on a catwalk, loudly announcing, “The Ghostbusters were busy, so we came to fight that spook, ’cause we ain’t afraid of no ghost!”
This gang had already made headlines once. They had utterly ruined my Jambalaya and now they were here to ruin by Tequila drinking. Or so I thought, as I was buried under an avalanche of silly string. Now they were back, and Lou’s was about to learn that cartoons can pack a message (and a punch).
Daphne was soon joined by Shaggy, who attempted a dramatic entrance by vaulting the small fence outside Lou’s only to nearly kill himself on his own fiendishly tight bell-bottom jeans. After a brief and undignified recovery, he re-entered, waving a pistol and announcing, “You all should know the drill… arms in the air… and wave them like you just no care. Zoinks! This is a robbery. You stay calm and no one get hurt!”
Amused patrons and staff appeared unconvinced that this was, in fact, real. Bartenders glanced at one another, openly wondering if the spectacle had been booked as entertainment. Ash, a man-mountain behind the bar, played along with exaggerated terror, while another patron turned the moment into a dance party, slamming on music before shouting, “Hooooeee! Now it’s a party!” and getting her moves on in the middle of the scene.
Velma soon joined the growing crowd, her outfit even smaller than last time, turning heads as she announced, “Just keep your hands where we can see ’em while we look for clues! We’ll get to the bottom of this spook!”
The final arrival was Scooby-Doo herself, wearing the same revealing and provocative outfit seen during the earlier incident. She wasted little time in her search for Scooby Snacks, briefly fixating on bartender Ash and his pants. After much crotch sniffing and leg humping she eventually lost interest and wandered off again.
Why So Serious?
At least one patron, Sonja, appeared to take the robbery seriously, spending most of the time with her hands raised. Others seemed delighted by the chaos, especially when Daphne climbed onto the bar, dancing while inspecting the bottles and declaring, “Golly! Would you look at all the spirits in this place! We’re gonna need an exorcism to get rid of these ghosts!” This reporter had to rescue her glass of Tequila and quickly ordered a bottle of it for herself before all the ‘spirits’ were taken away.
Orders were shouted, drinks were poured, and despite being distracted by gyrating criminals and a very persistent Scooby humping his leg, Ash somehow continued service like a consummate professional until the provocation of Daphne got to him and he almost missed my order!
Shaggy, meanwhile, struggled to keep both his gang and the bar staff under control. He also seemed to be suffering as he was heard loudly complaining about the unforgiving nature of his trousers and accusing the bartender of lacing drinks with cocaine. “Fucking hell.. Mi huevous so fucking snug in this shit!”
He scolded his crew for a lack of professionalism, even as Velma attempted to restore order by clarifying, “Well, jinkies, Mister, I’m pretty sure Shaggy just said we want all the cash ’n booze. It’ll go a long way towards helping us find all the bad spirits in here!” The bartender had already offered drinks on the house, but by now was getting utterly (and understandably) bewildered.
Daphne now raced to and emptied the cash register, showring nearby patrons with loose change, and began loading bottles into a backpack. This reporter made sure her Tequila stayed nice and safe and was going to head to dance with one of the other patrons when my appearance (trademark kitten ear headband) drew the attention of Scooby, who darted over and proceeded to stroke my hair and tease the cat ears, “Rarrrrrr, rell….rello rhere ritty ritty…rarrrrr….rom rearrrrrr ritty ritty ritty!”
One Step Before An Orgy
Half dressed women everywhere, this reporter bent over the bar counter getting her hair stroked by an almost naked Scooby Doo. It was getting too much for Shaggy, whose trousers attempted to brutally crush his growing trouser tent pole. Velma was loading bottle after bottle into Daphne’s backpack. Shaggy’s grip on the crew was visibly slipping, as Daphne was calling for people to come to an after party, something that was Shaggy put a stop too quickly. Once the deed was done, members of the gang began to head for the exits although not before this reporter got her ass spanked a few times by Shaggy and was under the impression she was being ordered to leave with them, only to find out that he had been talking to those of his gang.
Then, almost as quickly as it began, it was over. The Scooby Gang vanished back toward the Mystery Machine, leaving behind confusion, empty shelves, spilled drinks, and a bar staff left wondering what exactly they’d just witnessed.
Is this the last time? This reporter doubts it.
As before, we will have to wait and see.
