By: Staff Reporter
HATHIAN, CHRISTMAS EVE: A late-night shift at the Daily Grind turned violent when a woman wielding a red, candy-cane painted crowbar forced open the register, hurled coins, vaulted the counter, and assaulted a staffer before fleeing, leaving the barista bloodied and later hospitalized.
Shortly before 2 in the morning a woman later referred to on scene as ‘Ari’ (Boba Butt – Ed) walked into the Daily Grind carrying the aforementioned crowbar. Barista Xia greeted her from behind the counter but the Observer understands the response could be condensed as “The cash behind the register.” Xia opened the till and stepped back. The intruder pulled out what grainy CCTV seems to suggest was c. $200 in notes, before she was shown to scatter a handful of coins at the barista, vaulted the counter, and advanced with the crowbar, remarking, as far as we understand, that Xia was ‘meant to resist’. (Who working a coffee job, unless they’re the owner, would resist an armed robbery for chump change against their life and health? – Ed)
It appeared that the Boba Butt, possibly under the influence wasn’t going to take ‘no’ for an answer and went in swinging. The struggle moved fast and messy. Xia was shown to grab glass syrup bottles as improvised shields and as expected chocolate, raspberry, cherry, and vanilla syrups burst across the counter and floor, mixing with broken glass. The assailant swung the crowbar repeatedly, striking Xia and leading to significant injury. We understand that Bethari stated that ‘She was Muslim’, although why she thinks that allows her permission to commit crimes is beyond the understanding of this simple Newspaper.
After seriously wounding Xia and perhaps due to the presence of a good Samaritan identified as one ‘Rea’ later in official reporting, along with the arrival of an HPD officer, the attacker fled the café leaving the officer and Rea to carry the injured Barista to HGH.
At HGH, we understand the assault was serious and Xia’s condition deteriorated with staff documenting falling vital signs. Life saving treatment was administered and fortunately stabilized where she was later admitted for observation and any further treatment required
We understand from the HPD that Boba Butt remains at large (obviously large, but also shouldn’t be hard to find – Ed)
Editor’s Note:
Hathian specialises in finding new ways to be awful, but there’s something especially rancid about beating a café worker with a theme-painted crowbar on Christmas Eve and calling it ‘fun.’ Spare us the performative quips and the coin flinging theatrics; this wasn’t theatre, it was a mugging that ended in HGH. Credit to the bystander who stepped in, to the HPD officer for getting the victim out fast, and to HGH for taking care of her. If you recognize a red ‘candy cane’ crowbar and a mouth that thinks customers “are supposed to resist,” (or eats Boba like candy) you know where to send your tips, clearly I’ve already identified who it was; but hey, maybe you’ve got their direct address and can short-cut this investigation. And to the attacker: next time you want to play holiday games (or want a sugar/adrenalin rush), try a strength tester at the carnival. Leave baristas out of it.
