Reversed Homosexual Hate Crime at Jimmie’s Chicken Shack?

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An exposé by John Hayes

Having decided to investigate the abysmal working conditions of businesses in Hathian, I recently took a job as a cook at Jimmie’s Chicken Shack.

Now, I consider myself a reasonable athletic guy with good endurance, but slaving away at minimum wage in a food truck in temperature hitting as high as 90°F; even I succumbed to the heat. Adding the heat coming from the deep fryer on top of that, and the prolonged standing position necessary to cook and serve customers, makes for an unbearable working experience. I found myself completely exhausted at the end of each shift, with only a few dollars more in my pocket.

I found myself longing for the period of undercover to meet its timely end, and had predicted a single or two stars in my final review of the working conditions in this ‘Hells Kitchen’ when the story took an unexpected turn, leading to the events this article is named after.

For all the faults of Jimmie’s as a workplace, its still a place selling delicious food at affordable prices, and very much a restaurant to caters to all Hathian individuals and families alike, and with this in mind as setting the framework for the context, it is here my undercover assignment took a turn for the worse.

Last week, a homosexual couple came to the restaurant to enjoy the local cuisine, immediately engaging in heavy petting and making out in the back of the restaurant. At one point, one of the individuals, later identified as ‘Mr. Sam Warhol-Kelly’ proceeded to stick his hand down the front of his jeans, at which point aforementioned said undercover and poorly waged cook, had to remind him that there was a ‘No masturbation policy’ in effect at the chicken Shack. Common sense would you say, but the reaction was far from proportionate in response to this policy warning.

Mr. Sam Warhol-Kelly proceeded to brandish a firearm and threaten me with using it, if I questioned his acts of sexual self gratification, and even had the nerve of accusing me of being homophobic once a Sergeant of HPD showed up to my emergency call. Going further Mr. Sam Warhol-Kelly and his partner accused the chicken joint of serving bad foods that made them sick after eating there, as to further warrant their criminal behavior, all under the pretense – that being a homosexual allowed for it.

When I finished my shift thinking it could not get any worse, I found myself the victim of a heinous smear campaign on twitter the very next day, again claiming they were the true victims of a homophobic encounter.

My conclusion is that a lot of negative things can be said about Jimmie’s as a workplace, but it is the patrons of the joint that makes for a truly awful experience.

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