The Hopper Family, Friends of Nature…

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By: Carole King

Perhaps the title of this article caught your attention, maybe you too believe you are one with nature? Believe it or not, but Hathian Parish has its own band of misfits that believes this very thing, The Hoppers.

This reporter risked life and limb to delve into the infamous Hopper den of evil for you, the readers. That’s right, I was hooded, bound and taken away by Lenore Hopper to the supposed home of the Hoppers where I had an in-depth exclusive interview with Ain Hopper himself.

Picture this, a hood is pulled from your head and as you scan the room…bodies, meat hooks, a medieval looking stone table and worst of all? A very questionable stained couch. That was the scene of this interview.

As a guest of the Hoppers I was promised safety and offered drink. The drink was their own brew, supposedly used to make Hoppers stronger, a mixture of milk, honey mead and goat blood, or so I was told. As the Hopper’s guest and as a reporter for the people, I’ll bring you Ain Hopper’s words and thoughts as I understand them.

The driving force behind the family seems to be Ain Hopper. Then there’s his younger brother, Milton Hopper who is quite the ladies’ man according to Ain. Lenore, their sister, believes she is a doctor and will want to help you, although, personally, I’m not sure her schooling is validated by, well, anyone. Lulu is a tragic story. If you’ve ever seen her, a portion of her face is burned and scarred. She tends to take the trauma of this out on other women that she perceives as pretty.

These are the Hoppers that I know of, but there are apparently more family members coming to Hathian. This family believes they are like wolves, coyotes or cougars, cleaning the city of Hathian of its old, sick, weak or expendable by hunting them and eating them. The Hoppers view their lifestyle as important for nature. A twisted sense of population control, a form of survival of the fittest.

Ain spoke of living in another town before people set their family home ablaze, causing the Hopper family to scatter. Hathian Parish is where they’ve decided to regroup and start anew. Family is important to Ain Hopper and he plans to find suitable women to carry Hopper children.

Ain Hopper believes society is “fat, blinded and it will fall sooner or later and we (The Hoppers) add to it where we can with spreading suffering. We serve only nature!” It’s hard to argue with those words, Hathianites! So get out there! Exercise and eat right to keep yourself off the prey list. Or if you’re a woman, prepare your womb for a Hopper baby! As Ain told me, he prefers to ‘mate’ outside.

In closing I leave you with more wise words from Ain Hopper to help you sleep tonight, “Watch your back at night, and sleep with open eyes. The law of nature is still alive!”

Stay safe Hathianites!

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