Dear Grace: Sleepless and Currently Hiding in a Closet

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Dear Grace,

I’m currently in my third trimester with twins (a boy and a girl! How exciting!) and am really feeling tired and disinterested in sex at this point. The problem is, my husband doesn’t understand. When he’s not running his successful tattoo shop, he’s at home trying to have sex with me ALL THE TIME! I can’t even cook dinner without him pretty much humping my leg – I’m almost wondering if he’s one of those nymphomaniacs people talk about! It’s gotten so bad that I’ve actually suggested he take a mistress while I’m pregnant, but he refuses. I told him if it was good enough for Henry VIII, it should be good enough. Plus, he’s so well endowed that he would have no issue finding somebody to take care of his urges! I need help Grace! I love him, but how do I make sure his needs are met while actually getting the sleep and rest my body needs?

From,

Sleepless and Currently Hiding in a Closet

 

Dear Sleepless,

First off, Congratulations! How very exciting for you!

Well, I am a woman who has had three pregnancies. One partner was too scared to touch me. I had all these hormones raging through me and I couldn’t get him to lay a finger on me. Trust me, that wasn’t much fun. Another, well let’s just say, he clearly didn’t like my new form because he just wandered off and found someone else. I won’t talk about the last one.

Your husband is finding your new shape incredibly sexy! To some men, there is nothing more amazing than a woman carrying his child, and what you are getting is the overflow of that love. I would even like to suggest that he’s getting as much of that body he can before you have the twins. Besides which, you know Henry beheaded people he slept with right? Just saying.

I can promise you right now, him taking a mistress won’t help. First, he wants YOU and that sexy goddess body you have. Secondly, your hormones won’t be able to take it. If he takes a mistress, there is every chance you will be standing over a dead body.

What you can do is ask him for a bit of a break, cuddles, or even romance. If he cant, then, you have no choice. Give him head or buy him a flashlight or both.

My advice is fuck him hard and often now because, once the twins get there, sex will be off the table. After you have given birth he will go back to ‘normal’. Also, kudos on his endowment.

Enjoy this time,

Grace

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