I have recently been undergoing some tests to see if I have a serious medical condition. I am a bit older (40) and you know, a hard life in Hathian can do this to a person. I’ve been rethinking some of my life choices and I have come to realize now that I may be missing out on not finding the right one and actually settling down. It takes staring death in the eye for some of us to finally see our regrets. Anyways, my question is this: Do you think it would be wrong for me to explore a relationship with a pending medical diagnosis? I’d like to think I have some life left to offer a woman; even if it is only a year or two (depending on what the doctors say). But at the same time, I feel guilty thinking that I would be causing someone more pain by getting into a relationship. What if it turns out I am dying? Is that a burden that should be dropped on anyone? Some advice would be welcomed. Thank you and I enjoy your column.
Dear dying to date,
Honesty is the key here. Keep dating, but tell your dates the truth. Let them decide if they want this time with you and are prepared for the heartache later or if they want to run away. If they leave you, know they are not the person you want or need in your life. Exploring a relationship is absolutely not wrong at any stage in your life. Exploring it and starting with lies is!
Its well known I am a widow, and I would do it all again knowing I would end up right where I am. The time with my husband was so precious, that I would take all the heartache a million times over. You want that kind of person in your life. Someone who finds being with you worth more than the impending heartache later. ALL of us at some point take a risk with our hearts. We date, we love, we live but most importantly we get through the pain of loss or broken relationships.
You don’t even know what the illness is or even if it is terminal. I would also suggest you stop borrowing trouble. Hathian is hard enough without you deciding you are going to die prematurely. Which brings me to another point: anyone can die at any time, from any illness or circumstance. You live in a dangerous city with some of the nastiest characters. Few of us will get out of Hathian alive!
No matter what the doctors decide, remember nothing is set in stone, diagnosis and prognosis can be wrong. Perhaps with the right person at your side you will fight for a longer life with this them. The trick is finding him or her. I would recommend that if you are looking for someone to spend your final days you look at The Meet Market and place an ad. Don’t include your health concerns… save that for the second or third date. In the meantime, if you need a shoulder or an ear, come find me in person. I wont gossip about anything you tell me.
Thank you for saying you enjoy my column… I admit I enjoy writing it too.
I wish you all the best,
NB: when I offered you a shoulder or ear, I mean I want to keep mine attached and I am just offering to listen and be a friendly face and support.