Something Wicked Filling Hathian Streets

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It’s not all that uncommon for Hathianites to display curious behavior. That’s part of the city’s charm. And in years past, Halloween night itself has produced some unbelievable stories of zombies that later were blamed on gas leaks and bad drugs. This year, however, citizens are getting into a peculiar spirit early, and it seems to be spreading like wildfire.

When asked what the Hathian Fire Department has seen thus far, LT Brady Allen said, “People are acting strange, things are happening that aren’t supposed to be happening. I came into my shift this morning and the whole place was stoic, we’re all quiet. Just trying to get all the blood off our minds, all the biting. We’ve never seen anything like this before, maybe bath salts but even then it was once a month at the very worst, but almost every day now? It’s unheard of. It’s got to be stopped before it starts getting worse…” While immediate cause is unknown, behavior is erratic. In addition to reports of people biting one another or becoming progressively violent, it seems public debauchery is on the rise, as one citizen comments on seeing a couple get quite physical against the milk fridge at Clam Convenience Store. “I don’t know what they were shopping for, but the milk was in the cartons behind them, not in her breasts!”

“Everything is amazing!” Lizzie Adams of local rock group After The Fall says, “I mean…people seem like…superhappy, but some people need to learn how to keep their hands to themselves, ’cause they’re grabbin’ at things that aren’t theirs! But like…like everything’s good! ‘cept for my friend who tried to take me to the hospital.”

Treatment options are being investigated, but those experiencing abnormal urges are encouraged to visit Hathian General Hospital for testing.

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