CU Spotlight: Instructor Perry Pelham

6 mins read

Columtreal has a new lecturer in the History Department, Perry Pelham ((peregrinepelham resident)). Instructor Pelham  was a professor in California before, what the media said, “there was a forced retirement”.
Reporter: What are your first thoughts about Columtreal?

Pelham: I’m really impressed with the energy of Dean Jack  and other deans and the new team there. And I’m super impressed with the students, who ask challenging questions. While colleges are known for, and have to have, lectures and homework, my measure of success is when students ask good questions.

Reporter: Why did you leave Humboldt State University? Didn’t you have tenure?

Pelham: I signed a nondisclosure agreement with them so I really can’t get into details. I remain grateful that they let me teach not only conventional history and journalism but also controversial topics, such as how secret societies such as the Freemasons started the United States, and about aliens on Earth.

It’s pretty obvious from news reports that it was a mistake for me to have the class where all the students took their clothing off. Eureka, where the college is located, is almost a rainforest at times – students wore heavy clothing, and I was concerned about the collective weight of all the clothing in the spaceship. ((note: Perry is a schizophrenic. We do not actually have aliens or political secret societies in CD))

Reporter: Will you ever make a class take off their clothing in Hathian?

Pelham: (laughs) I deserve that question! Well, students here wear a lot less clothing than they did in Eureka, so it wouldn’t weigh as much. So I’m less concerned. There’s also new research that suggest alien spacecraft may be less limited by weight than was previously understood by scholarship.  I know I will definitely wait for the ship to appear to human eyes first so that there’s a chance any college professional ethics board will be immolated on landing. (Laughs) I’m kidding about that.

Reporter:  A number of people have commented that college faculty do not usually prowl the streets, shouting to the sky. Are you concerned students might stay away from your classes because of your appearances throughout the community?

Pelham: It depends. Some college students prize originality and creativity. Some don’t. The great thing about college students is that they’re open to new ideas, so the idea of academic research, whether it’s in a lab or on a street, is often interesting to them. Some people have superficial ideas about shouting into the sky and you know, they have a right to those ideas.

Me, I find academic research liberating. Shouting into the sky also provides a great opportunity to get outdoors, get exercise, and to meet and get to know people. You learn a lot about someone by how she or he reacts to a person shouting to the aliens.

Reporter:  What classes do you teach?

Pelham: First, journalism. I was a journalist before I went into teaching, and love it when I can help students learn how to get information and share stories. We will also explore journalism through social media. If you can, tell readers that I’m on Twitter at @PerryAware.

Second, history. Right now I’m teaching substitute classes and then Problems In History. In college history, a “problems” class is one where you talk about subjects that are challenging and often have a lot of mystery around them. So as we speak, the course is focused on sex lives of the Founding Fathers of America, titled “Fuckpuppets of American History.”

Right now we’re discussing classes about secret societies, alien history and the history of prostitution and porn. My latest research interest is the whole Shakespeare identity question and what it may have to say about time travel, which is something I didn’t even know existed until recently. ((just as a reminder, Perry is a schizophrenic. We do not actually have time travel in CD))

Reporter: I am surprised the college let you list a course with the name “Fuckpuppets.”

Pelham: To be honest, that name started as a joke. I thought I had deleted it from the final draft I submitted, and I hadn’t. But they left it in. I was astonished at how Columtreal is so open to new ideas. That’s actually pretty awesome and speaks well to innovation. So I thought we should have some fun, so we kept the name.

Reporter: Thank you for your time, Mr Pelham. Did you have any comments for the readers?

Pelham: Go Looters !

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