The local ice cream vendor, Mr. Smiley, came into my office tonight with some rather disturbing news. He looked visibly upset when he took a seat across from me. It seems that Mr. Smiley has fallen victim to countless harassment by a woman, Lauren, who is married to John, an officer for the Hathian Police Department. After some research, it has come to this reporter’s attention that the two people, Lauren and John, are no other than John and Lauren Morpork. Mr. Smiley’s story is quoted below:
“I was sitting at my truck next to the Grind not even a few nights ago when this woman comes up to my truck for no reason and starts slinging rocks at my windshield. I had shatter-proof glass installed thanks to the last vandalism attack. I was trying to wait on customers when all this occurred. She has given no reason as to why she keeps trying to mess with me. Maybe she has a deep rooted fetish for such.”
On further questioning, it seems that John Morpork was on scene and arrested his wife, though not after she tried to walk away from him. Mr. Smiley asked to be compensated or if Lauren Morpork would be arrested. Will a report be filed based on the evidence of the rock attack, or will the wife of an HPD officer receive special treatment? Is there a get out of jail free card for HPD spouses?
“Tonight she came up to my truck threatening to cut my tongue out because I stated that she had her husband by the..gonads. I mean, I think he let her get away with it. I just wanted to see justice served, and I got harassed by John and another cop who’s name I did not get.”
This reporter is outraged with these findings. This innocent man who is out to fill our bellies with delicious ice cream can not even call the HPD for help in fear that they will not do anything because Lauren Morpork hates ice cream trucks. Mr Smiley is a good man from what I have seen and he should be compensated for what he has been through. This reporter says no more special treatment for HPD wives, or for them to grow up. What grown adult throws rocks anyway?