Results are in: Local Businessman Boxer Named Mayor!

2 mins read

After long lines and a few minor scuffles outside the Columtreal University gymnasium Tuesday night, the polls closed at midnight and the tallying began. After a day of counting, which included recovering one large lost box of ballots, a victor has emerged!

Robert “Bobby” Boxer: Hathian’s new City Mayor!

At a private victory function consisting of mostly consultants & donors, the Observer was able to grab a few words with the man: “I have heard the voice of the voters and the voters say.. Holy Shit!” he exclaims, chuckling in his own amusement. When pressed further for a message to his new constiuents, he cleared his throat, the crowd fell silent, and he spoke.

“Just get up off the ground, that’s all I ask. Get up there with that lady that’s up on top of this Capitol dome, that lady that stands for liberty. Take a look at this country through her eyes if you really want to see something. And you won’t just see scenery; you’ll see the whole parade of what Man’s carved out for himself, after centuries of fighting. Fighting for something better than just jungle law, fighting so’s he can stand on his own two feet, free and decent, like he was created, no matter what his race, color, or creed. That’s what you’d see. There’s no place out there for graft, or greed, or lies, or compromise with human liberties. And, uh, if that’s what the grownups have done with this world that was given to them, then we’d better get those boys’ camps started fast and see what the kids can do. And it’s not too late, because this country is bigger than the Taylors, or you, or me, or anything else. Great principles don’t get lost once they come to light. They’re right here; you just have to see them again!”

It would appear the city’s newest top official is a bit of a movie fanatic.

A larger party is currently in the planning stages, with fliers and adverts to be plastered shortly. Keep an eye out!

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